What Is Online Dating Like for Guys in NYC?

Busy, with a big pool and an unusually good fit for it. a dating coach has lived in New York for long stretches, and he calls it the best city for online dating that he knows of. He also says to treat the apps as a bonus round, not your main way of finding dates there. The pool is large, but the work is the same as anywhere: clear photos, specific words and quick plans.

My explanation is simple. There are more single, available women in New York than anywhere else he knows of. He says the ratio of women to men in the city is in a man's favor, which is not true in a lot of places. That is his claim from living and dating there, not a figure from a survey.

He adds a second reason. The women who live there are particularly well suited to online dating. Many are career-oriented, busy, and trying to live a healthy life, with less time or appetite for a long night out. An app lets them meet someone on their own schedule.

For a man this means more real options near where you live, and more women who actually use the apps.

My favorite for New York is Hinge, with a clear caveat that his pick can change over time. His advice is to test the main apps and see which gives you real conversations in your own neighborhood.

He also says there is nothing wrong with being on all of them. You do not owe loyalty to any one app, and a woman who is only on Bumble will never see your Hinge page.

His broader point about app choice applies strongly in a big city. Good skills on an app full of fake profiles and people who are not looking to date will do worse than ordinary skills on an app where people really want to meet. In a city this large, you can afford to find the one that works.

My advice for New York is basically the same as anywhere else, except, as he puts it, much easier. Your photos still decide whether she reads further. Your first message should still be short, about her, and easy to answer. The ask should still come with a real place and day.

What New York changes is the volume. You will see more women, and more of them will be near you. That makes it tempting to like everyone, which backfires on any app. Pick the women you would genuinely want to meet and write to them properly.

Count your numbers the usual way: likes to matches, matches to replies, replies to plans. In a big city a slow week still looks busy on the screen, so the counts tell you what is really happening.

coach names two downsides. The first is time. Done carelessly, online dating can eat a lot of hours, and a big pool makes it easy to keep browsing. Set a modest daily window and stop when it ends.

The second is that women often do not look like their photos. As men get better at meeting women in person, he says, the women they meet that way are often a step up in how they look from those they meet online. That is why he calls the apps a bonus round. He still says you should do it, as one part of a bigger plan.

This matters more in New York than most men expect. coach says it is very easy to get women to come to Manhattan, especially lower Manhattan, and very hard to get women from Manhattan to come to the outer boroughs. If you live in Queens, Long Island or the Bronx, he says you often have to go to her for the date.

His ideal is Manhattan below about 60th Street, or as far into Brooklyn as Williamsburg. He would take a cramped place in a good location over a nicer place in a bad one, because the logistics shape your results.

For online dating, the practical point is where you suggest. Choose a bar or cafe near your own area or in a spot that is easy for her to reach. A plan that is simple for her gets accepted more often, and a plan that needs a long trip tends to get rearranged until it dies.

My observation is that people in New York are a bit more social when they are out than in many other cities. So many have moved there recently and have not built a fixed circle of friends. A woman who moved a few months ago is actively trying to meet people.

That fits well with a quick plan. She is not looking for a long pen pal. A message that suggests a specific place and day lands well with someone who is new to the city and wants a reason to go out.

coach notes that New York has a strong hookup culture and an easy supply of dating, which makes it easy to date several women at once. If you decide you want something more serious, he suggests thinking about whose lifestyle fits yours, not just who is hottest or highest status.

Screen for that early. Decide a few things you want in a partner and a few things you like to do, and look for women who share them. On an app that is easy to do, because her page tells you what she likes before you write a word.