How Hard Is Online Dating in NYC?

Less hard than most cities, and still hard where it counts. a dating coach calls New York the best city for online dating that he knows of, because there are more single, available women there than anywhere else. The difficulty is not the supply. It is the volume of swiping, the time it eats, the messages that go nowhere, the way women's photos can mislead, and the logistics of getting to a date.

a dating coach's reasoning is simple. In his experience there are more single women in the city than anywhere he has lived, and he says the ratio of women to men is in a man's favor. That is his claim from living there, not a number from a survey.

He adds a second reason. Many women there are career-oriented, busy and trying to live a healthy life, so they have less time or appetite for a long night out. An app lets them meet someone on their own schedule.

For a man, that means more women near him who actually use the apps.

The size of the pool is also the first trap.

When the screen is full of women, it is tempting to like all of them. a dating coach says that backfires on any app, because the app learns you have no standards. Pick the women you would truly like to meet and write to them properly.

Volume also hides slow weeks. A slow week still looks busy on screen, so you can swipe for hours and feel productive. Count the real steps instead: likes, matches, replies, plans.

Competition is the other pressure. a dating coach says online dating has become harder as more men optimize their pages, and the average man gets less for the same effort. In a city this size, many men are doing the work.

a dating coach names the main downside of online dating in New York as time. If you do it carelessly, it can eat a lot of hours, and a huge pool makes it easy to keep browsing.

Set a modest daily window and stop when it ends. A short, regular session beats a long, aimless one, and it protects the rest of your day.

a dating coach's second warning is that women often do not look like their photos. He adds that as men get better at meeting women in person, the women they meet that way tend to be a step up in looks from those they meet online.

That is why he calls the apps a bonus round, not the main plan. He still says to do them. He just does not want the apps to be your only way of meeting women in the city.

This is the part many men do not expect. a dating coach says it is very easy to get women to come to Manhattan, especially lower Manhattan. He says it is very hard to get women from Manhattan to come to the outer boroughs.

If you live in Queens, Long Island or the Bronx, he says you often end up traveling to her for a date. His ideal is Manhattan below about 60th Street, or as far into Brooklyn as Williamsburg. He would take a small place in a good location over a nicer place in a bad one, because the logistics shape the results.

On an app, the practical lesson is where you suggest. Choose a bar or cafe near you, or in a spot that is easy for her to reach. A plan that is simple for her gets accepted. One that needs a long trip gets rearranged until it dies.

People in New York are often more social when they are out than in other cities. Many moved recently and have not built a fixed circle of friends. A woman who arrived a few months ago is looking for reasons to go out.

That suits a quick plan. A message that names a specific place and a day lands better with her than a long pen pal exchange.

a dating coach's advice for the city is the same as anywhere, with an easier start. Your photos decide whether she reads further. Your first message should be short, about her and easy to answer. Your ask should come with a real place and a day.

Check which step is weak. If you are getting few matches, look at the photos and how selective you are. If you get matches but few replies, work on your first message. If you get replies but no dates, bring up a plan sooner and make it easy to say yes to.

Then add other ways to meet women. a dating coach says New York is strong for meeting women in the day and at night as well, and that the apps work best as one part of a bigger plan.

It is easier than most places to get matches, and just as demanding on the details. The men who do well treat it as a numbers game, protect their time and make plans that are easy for her to accept.