What Brings You to Badoo? What to Answer

Answer with what you actually want, in one plain sentence, and then turn the question back on her. "I would like to meet someone worth seeing twice, and I am bad at small talk, so tell me what brought you" is a better answer than any slogan. The question is really asking what you are here for, and a short, true answer reads as confident, not careful.

On a dating app, "what brings you here" is a screening question. She wants to know whether you are after the same thing she is, and whether you will say so without a speech.

It reaches men in two forms. Some meet it as a setting where Badoo asks what they want from the app. Others meet it as a woman's first line in a chat. Badoo's own screens change, so read the options on the screen in front of you. The answer works the same either way.

Behind every version sits one worry. She does not want to find out on the third date that the man she liked wanted something different. A clear answer settles that before she spends an evening on you.

Pick the one that is true. Do not pick the one you think she wants.

You want a relationship. Say it without apologizing and without a sales pitch. "I want a relationship with someone I actually enjoy, and I am not in a hurry to find her." It names the goal and removes the pressure in the same breath.

You want to meet people and see where it goes. This is the answer most men are really giving, and it is fine. "I want a few good first dates and I will know it when I like someone." It is honest, easy to agree with, and leaves her room to want the same.

You want something casual. Say so, plainly, in your own words. A woman who learns this late remembers the delay, not the charm. A woman who learns it early either agrees or moves on, and both save you time.

A few answers cost matches before the conversation begins.

• "Just seeing what is out there." It tells her you have no plan and she is one option in a list.
• "Not sure, you tell me." It hands her the work of deciding what the two of you are doing.
• "To meet someone, obviously." A joke that sounds irritated. She asked a question and you answered like it was a stupid one.
• A long paragraph about your last relationship. She did not ask for that, and a stranger who explains an ex in his first line signals he is not finished with it.

The best version has two parts: one honest sentence about you, then one easy question for her. The second part is what turns a screening question into a conversation.

For example: "A few good dates and, if I am lucky, more than that. What about you?" Or: "I was told to try it and I am working out whether I agree. What brought you?" Each takes five seconds to write and gives her a line she can answer without effort.

a dating coach's rule for first messages is to keep them short, light and about one real thing. The same rule applies here. A reply that runs to five lines reads as nervous, and one that gives her something to react to gets answered.

My point about presenting yourself is that what you project has to match the man who turns up. If you say you want something serious and your behavior says otherwise, the first date will feel like meeting a different person, and she will notice before you do.

That is a practical reason, not only a moral one. A woman can usually tell when a line is a tactic. The man who says what he wants in his own words, even when it is less impressive than a slogan, comes across as someone who knows himself, and that is the more attractive thing.

If you wrote that you want a relationship, your photos and your first lines should look like a man who could have one. A page full of nightclub photos with a serious answer attached reads as a mismatch. A page with a daylight photo, a friend, a place you actually go and a short honest line tells one story, and the answer fits inside it.

Do this in the other direction too. If you are not looking for anything serious, the answer should not claim you are, however nicely it would read.

An answer to this question is a good opening, but it is only an opening. My advice is to go from a match to a number or a plan within about four to seven short messages, each with a purpose. Once she has told you what brought her and you have told her what brought you, the natural next line is a small, specific plan: a drink after work near her, on a weeknight, with a clear time.

Men who answer well and then chat for three weeks lose the date to a man who suggested one. A good answer earns you the right to ask. Use it.