What Should You Say When Someone Asks Why You Are on a Dating App?

Say one true, calm sentence and turn the question back to her. "I want to meet someone, and this is where people are" is a complete answer. When a match asks it in her messages, it is rarely an attack. It is usually curiosity, a small test of how you handle yourself, or small talk. How you say it matters more than which words you pick.

People ask for different reasons, and the reason changes the best reply.

A match often asks because she is curious about you. She wants to know whether you are serious, whether you are on every app, and whether you are looking for the same thing she is. A friend asks because dating apps still feel awkward to some people, and they are not sure what to say. A coworker asks out of plain interest.

Very few of them are judging you. Most of the weight is in your tone. A man who answers with an easy smile sounds like a man with nothing to hide. A man who gets defensive sounds like a man who is embarrassed.

The worst answer is an apology. "I know, I know, I never thought I would be on one of these" tells her you think being on the app is a lapse.

You do not need to explain it, defend it or promise that you are not like the other men. Plenty of ordinary people use these apps because it is a practical way to meet people they would not otherwise cross paths with. Say that, or something close to it, and keep your voice level.

In our view a man who talks calmly and does not apologize comes across as confident. The less weight you give the question, the less weight she gives it.

Pick the one that is true for you. Do not memorize a line that is not.

If you want a relationship: "I want to meet someone I could really get on with, and I do not meet many new people through work and friends. This is a way to meet more of them."

If you are open to seeing what happens: "I like meeting new people, and this is an easy way to do it. If it turns into something good, great."

If you are newly single or busy: "I am not in a rush. I would just rather meet people than wait for a coincidence."

Each is short and true. None sounds desperate or defensive. After you say it, ask her a question so the conversation moves on, such as "What about you, what got you on here?"

A friend who teases you about it is usually saying that it is a strange thing to do. Answer with humor, not a defense.

"It is how people meet now. I will tell you how it goes." That is enough. If someone presses, you can add that you are meeting people you would never have met otherwise.

You do not owe anyone a full account of your dating life. A short answer and a change of subject protect your privacy and your dignity.

Sometimes a woman asks "Why are you on here?" to see how you react. She may be checking whether you will get flustered, whether you are looking only for one thing, or whether you are on the app out of boredom.

The best response is a calm, honest answer plus a question back. A man who gets annoyed, or who gives a sarcastic reply, fails the test. A man who answers plainly and carries on passes it.

Do not lie to pass it. If you are looking for something casual and she asks, say so. A woman who hears the truth up front can decide, and a woman who finds out later feels deceived.

The best way to avoid the question is to answer it before she asks. a dating coach says a page written like a man after a hookup gets hookups, and a page that says you want something long term gets that.

Say in one line what you are looking for. Then the question becomes "I saw you want something serious, what kind of thing is that for you?" and the conversation is already on your terms.

Once the chat has a few good exchanges, move to a plan. Name a place and a day. Being on an app is the way you met. The evening is the point.