Start Here: Dating Advice for Men, Step by Step

If you are new here, read the articles on this page in the order they appear. They follow the way meeting a woman really goes. You pick a place, walk over and say hello, flirt, read whether she likes you, ask her out, text her, kiss her, and handle the days when she seems to cool off. Each step has one long article that covers it from start to finish, and a topic page that lists every shorter article on the same question.

A lot of men treat dating as luck. A few seem born good with women, and everyone else waits for something to happen. That way of looking at it keeps you stuck, because there is nothing to work on. Game is a skill and as such it is something you can learn. Everybody can learn it, including you.

The word "game" puts some men off, so here is what it means on this site. If you, in talking to a girl, can let her see the best parts of you and you can do that quickly and repeatedly, you have game. You are not putting on an act. You are learning to show a woman who you already are, in the few minutes a stranger gives you.

Plenty of men never hear this. Most men don't know that it's possible to get better with women. Most men do not know that this is a skill set that can be worked on. It's a skill you can build methodically and practically, and the steps below are in the order you will use them.

Each step below does three things. It says what the step is for. It links the main article for that step, which you can read in one sitting. And it links the topic pages where the shorter articles on the same subject live, so you can go deeper on the part that gives you the most trouble.

You do not have to read everything at once. Read one step, go out and use it, then come back for the next one. Reading about a skill and doing it are different things, and the doing is where you get better.

Where you go decides who you meet, how much time she has, and how easy it is to start talking. Most people don't consider venue selection at all, they just go wherever. A quiet afternoon in a bookshop and a loud Saturday in a club call for different openers, a different pace and a different way of leaving.

The time she has matters most. I will prefer the place where the girls are seated over the place where they're in a hurry, all day, every day. A woman on a bench or in a queue can talk for a minute. A woman rushing to a meeting can't, however well you do it.

Read where to meet women first. It sorts the options by type: daytime spots, classes and events, bars and nightclubs, your own social circle and the dating apps, with a way to judge any place you walk into. Then go deeper on the topic pages for meeting places, daytime approach and bars and clubs.

Try a few kinds of place before you settle on one. It's okay to just go out and practice, and go practice in different venues and see where you do the best.

This is the step most men skip, and nothing after it can happen without it. The most common mistake guys make with women by far is simply not approaching them or not interacting with them. If they don't see you, if they don't notice you, you have no chance whatsoever.

The first line matters less than you fear. The purpose of opening is very simple. It's to get a conversation started. If you say hi and she says, hey, what's up, back, you're done. You've had a good opener. What you say in the next minute matters more, and so does leaving without fuss if she is not interested.

The article on how to approach women walks through the whole sequence: picking the moment, your angle and distance, getting her attention, three kinds of opener, carrying the first minute and leaving well. The approaching women topic page holds every shorter article on the walk over, and the openers page collects the ones about what to say first.

A friendly conversation with a woman you like is a good start, but it can stay friendly forever. Flirting is what tells her you are interested in her as a woman. The most fundamental thing about flirting is an attitude. It's a decision that you are going to have a fun conversation. It's a decision that you're going to keep things light. It's a decision that you're going to let the girl know that it's man to woman.

Most of it is teasing. A tease is when you are playfully giving someone a hard time. Keep it small and warm, and let her give you a hard time back. You'd rather have little flirts that are teased, exaggerated, subtle, and they kind of add up over time.

Read how to flirt with a girl for teasing, eye contact, body language and flirting over text. The topic pages for flirting, teasing and banter and conversation cover the smaller questions, such as what to talk about and how to keep a talk from going flat.

Men tend to look for one big sign, and then they hold back waiting for it. Interest doesn't work like that. Her attraction for you is constantly in flux, which means that it's not an All or Nothing thing. What happens is there's a process, right? There's a process of warming up.

You also need less proof than you think. You don't actually need overt positive indicators of interest in order to go to a next step. All you need, honestly, is just a lack of indicators of disinterest. If she keeps talking, asks you things and stays when she could leave, carry on.

When you are unsure, lean toward assuming the best. If you think there's any chance at all that she might like you, act like she likes you.

The article on signs a girl likes you covers her body language, her texts and the mixed signals, and ends with how to ask her out once you see them. The topic pages for reading her interest and body language and touch go into each sign on its own.

A good conversation that ends with nothing is a pleasant memory and no more. You can talk to as many girls as you like. You can get them as attracted as you like. You can have as many clever lines and witticisms as you like. Doesn't mean anything anymore if you don't close.

Asking her out is simpler than men make it. Name one day and one easy plan, say it plainly, and take her answer calmly. Don't stop short at a phone number when she is clearly enjoying herself. Most guys are way too quick to settle for a number.

Read how to ask a girl out for asking in person, over text and on a dating app, and for what to do with a maybe or a no. The topic pages for asking her out, getting her number and first dates cover the steps on either side of the ask.

Texting is where a lot of good starts go cold. The fix is to expect less from it. Texting is not the most efficient and best form of communication. In-person communication is the best, phone calls are the next best, texting is not the greatest. So keep each text short, make it easy to answer, and use it to set up the next time you meet.

The attitude behind your texts shows through them. Texting should essentially be a reflection of good internal psychology, which is like psychology that she likes you, plans are inevitable, and the texting is just a fun formality.

The article on how to text a girl runs from the first text after you get her number to a set date, and covers one word replies, double texting and texting a match from an app. When she goes quiet or cancels, the ghosting and flakes topic page has an article for most versions of it. The texting after the number page lists the rest.

The first kiss changes what the two of you are to each other. The primary reason for kissing is not about escalation. While it does do that to a certain extent, it is primarily about communication and investment. After a kiss, you are no longer two people having a nice chat.

Timing is where men lose it. They wait for a moment that is so certain it never arrives. If you don't make a move, if you wait for that window to close, it will close. Read her signals, pick a calm moment, lean in slowly and keep the first kiss light.

Read how to kiss a girl for the lead-up, the kiss itself and the minutes after it, including what to do if she turns away. The kissing topic page holds the shorter articles, and the second dates and ideas page covers what comes after the first date goes well.

Almost every man meets this stretch. She was warm, then she texts less, takes longer to answer or moves a plan. Most of the time it can be fixed, and the fix starts with what you do next. Your more recent actions are your more powerful actions.

Don't treat one bad day as the end of it. A mistake or a low value behavior is an event and not a person. Just because you did a low value thing doesn't make you a low value person. Keep calm, keep your texts short and friendly, and give her a reason to see you again.

The article on what to do when a girl pulls away explains why interest cools at each stage, what to send, what to avoid and when to stop trying. The topic pages for she pulls away and making her chase go into the details.

Everything above works whether you meet her on the street, at a party or on an app. You don't necessarily have to choose. An app can get you to a first date sooner, and meeting women in person gives you more practice at talking to them.

Which app to use is something you find out by trying. Put your profile on three or four different sites. The key to picking the right site is testing.

Dating apps add their own questions: what goes in your profile, which photos to use, what to send first and which app to be on. The topic pages for profiles and bios, dating app photos, dating app messages and the best dating apps answer them. Keep one rule in mind as you read. The whole reason for being on an app is to get off the app.

Every step above gets easier when you can hear a no without it ruining your night, and when you stop needing every woman to approve of you. You can get a little better at both each week, the same way you get better at opening.

Expect some of your attempts to go nowhere. While you may get a rejection going for the kiss, you will get a certainty of failure if you don't. The same is true of the walk over and the ask.

The topic pages for confidence, rejection and neediness and validation cover this side of dating. The dating skills and practice page is about learning from each night out and each date, even the bad ones.

Every subject we cover has its own page on the topics list, from approaching women and texting to each of the big dating apps. Each topic page lists all of its articles in one place. If you have one question in mind, the search box on the articles page finds it by its words.

Where should a man start with dating?

Start with where you will meet women and how to walk over and say hello. Those two steps come first because nothing else can happen without them. Then add flirting, reading her interest and asking her out, in that order. Texting and the first kiss come once you have someone to text and a date to go on.

Do I have to read these articles in order?

No, but it helps. Each one assumes you have done the step before it. If one part already goes well for you, skip to the step where things tend to stall and start there. Come back to the earlier steps if the later ones keep going wrong.

What if I mostly meet women on dating apps?

Read the same steps. Asking her out, texting, the first date and the first kiss work the same way whether you met her in person or on an app. Add the app topic pages on profiles, photos and first messages. Then move from the app to a date quickly, because the date is where the rest of these steps happen.

How long does it take to get better with women?

Longer than a week, and shorter than most men fear. Plan for months of steady practice, and judge yourself on what you can control: how often you go out, how well you start a conversation and how you handle the answer. A man who practices one step at a time sees progress much sooner than a man who reads everything and does nothing.