How to Combine Approaching in Person With Dating Apps

Run them as two separate jobs. Dating apps are the low-effort source of dates that runs in the background. Approaching in person is where you build the skill, and it is the only place a woman meets you before she decides anything about your photos. Do both every week, keep each one small enough to sustain, and let what you learn in the field improve how you handle the apps.

a dating coach has argued for years that this is not an either-or choice. His case is simple. If both can be profitable, you are better off with both, the same way a business is stronger with a website and a sales team than with only one.

The two methods reward different things, so they do not compete as much as men assume.

Dating apps are good for:

• A steady supply of dates with very little time spent.
• Practicing the date itself, which most men are worse at than they think.
• Learning to text, because the conversation starts without you needing a phone number first.
• Finding out about a woman's interests and values before you meet her.

Approaching in person is good for:

• Learning conversation, flirting and eye contact, because you get instant feedback from a real face.
• Reaching women who are not on the apps at all.
• Being judged on how you act and speak, not only on how a few photos look.
• Building confidence that carries into the rest of your life, since you stop being afraid of the first move.

a dating coach's summary of the two: if you want to learn the charisma and the opening, approach is the fastest teacher. If you want volume of dates and texting practice, the apps are the easiest source. Neither replaces the other.

Most men fail at combining them by trying to do everything at once. Pick a small, fixed plan.

1. Apps in the background. Set aside a short block a few times a week to deal with whatever the apps have given you. Do not scroll for hours. Turn the conversations into dates and close the app.
2. Approaching on a schedule. Choose specific days and times to go out. A lunch break walk, a Saturday afternoon in a busy neighborhood, one evening at a bar. Put it in your calendar the same way you would a gym session.
3. One weekly review. Spend ten minutes writing down what happened. What did you say, what did she do, what will you change next time? The review is where the two methods feed each other.

The point of the schedule is to stop one method from swallowing the other. Apps are easy, so they tend to win by default. If you only approach when you feel like it, you will almost never go.

The best part of combining them is what crosses over.

What you learn from approaching makes you better on apps. A man who has spent a month talking to strangers writes shorter, warmer openers, suggests a plan sooner and is less thrown when a conversation goes quiet. He has been through many small awkward moments and come out fine.

What you learn from apps makes you better at approaching. Dates teach you how a first meeting actually runs, what to talk about across a whole evening and how to move from a drink to something more. That is exactly what a woman you meet in person will expect if you ask her out.

When a woman gives you her number or Instagram, treat it like a match you earned the harder way. Send a short note the same day and suggest a plan within a few exchanges. a dating coach's advice is to set up the idea of a plan before you ask for the number, so the contact has a reason behind it. A premise like "we should grab a coffee, give me your number" makes the first text much easier than a bare "can I get your number."

Be honest with yourself about why you are on the apps. For many men they are the comfortable option. They let a man feel active without ever risking a no in person.

If you notice that every week ends with apps and no approaches, the apps have become a hiding place. The remedy is not to delete them. It is to schedule the approach first and let the apps fill whatever time is left.

If you have been on the apps for a long time and never approached anyone, the hardest part is the first stretch. A Cold Approach Bootcamp is in person in Miami or New York with a coach beside you, two four-hour blocks a day, so the first stretch is done quickly and with feedback instead of alone.

After that, the apps and the approaching feed each other, and you leave with a written practice plan for the weeks that follow. For the longer comparison of the two methods, see online dating versus meeting women in person.