Is New York the Worst City for Dating?

No. New York gets called the worst city for dating because everyone is busy, the choices feel endless and plenty of people spend years getting nowhere on their phones. For a man who will talk to women in person, it is closer to the opposite. Adult women outnumber adult men in the city, many people move there hoping to meet others, and a park, a coffee shop or a bar is never more than a short walk away. The city is tough on passive dating and kind to men who start conversations.

The bad reputation is not invented. It comes from real complaints, mostly from people dating one particular way.

When everyone has endless options on a screen, nobody feels much need to commit to the person in front of them. Plans get made and dropped. People work long hours, so dates get squeezed into the gaps. Dinner and drinks cost more than almost anywhere else in the country. Add a cold winter and small apartments, and you get a city where dating can feel like a second job.

Notice what those complaints have in common. They describe dating as something that happens through a phone, around a schedule, with strangers you have never seen in person. That is the hardest version of dating in any city, and New York magnifies it.

Some parts of New York are tough no matter how you date.

• Cost. A night out adds up fast, so a man who only knows expensive dates will burn money and patience.
• Pace. On the sidewalk, many women are rushing with headphones in, and those are hard moments to say hello.
• High standards. The city is full of well-dressed, ambitious men, so presentation counts for more than it does in a smaller town.
• Seasons. Daytime meeting slows down in the cold months, and nights out carry more of the load.

None of these make New York the worst. They make it a city that rewards effort and punishes coasting.

Here is the side the complaints leave out.

New York is the most populous city in the United States, and census figures count about 86 adult men for every 100 adult women. In a city this big, that tilt means a very large number of women.

Many residents are recent arrivals. a dating coach points out that "a lot of people moved here", so they do not have decades of old friends around them and are actively looking to be social. That makes people more open to a friendly hello than the city's cold reputation suggests.

The city is also walkable and runs late. A coffee shop, a bar and somewhere to eat are usually within a couple of blocks, so you can turn a good conversation into a date on the spot. Most people travel by subway or cab rather than driving, which makes it easy to go somewhere together. coach calls New York "my number one city in the world for game" for exactly these reasons.

A man who lives entirely on his phone in New York is competing with every other man on the same screen, for women who have more options than they can answer. He will find the city brutal.

A man who says hello in a park on Saturday, at a bookstore on Tuesday and in a bar on Thursday is in a different city. Very few men do that, so he has little competition in the moment. He also gets to show who he is in person, which no screen can do for him.

Smaller cities have fewer women and fewer chances to practice, and a bad approach there can follow you around. Car cities like Los Angeles spread people out, so a night out is planned around driving and leaving with someone is harder. Against those, New York's density and transit are real advantages.

Where New York loses is comfort. It is more expensive, colder in winter and faster paced than most. Those are costs worth knowing, but they do not make it the worst place to date.

Live somewhere central if you can, because it is much easier to get a woman to come into Manhattan than out to a far borough. Pick a few places near home where women spend unhurried time. Learn a cheap first date you like, such as a walk and a coffee. Then talk to more women in person than feels comfortable, every week.

Cold Approach runs its Bootcamp in New York and Miami only. Every training day is two four-hour blocks in the field, with daygame and night game mixed to suit you. Group is three consecutive days with no more than three students per coach, and Private is one, two or three days fully 1-on-1, with longer programs quoted on request. There is no skill floor, and approach anxiety is a specialty, so the city's reputation does not need to be your starting point.