Where to Meet Women If You Don't Drink

You do not need alcohol to meet women. Daytime and activity places work well: coffee shops, fitness classes, run clubs, hobby groups, markets, volunteering and classes. Bars and evening events are still fine too, because you can go and drink water or soda like anyone else. The real skill is picking places that suit how you talk, and having a short, relaxed answer ready for the question of why you are not drinking.

Many men think drinks are the way to meet someone, because bars are where people go on a Friday. But a drink is only a prop. What actually starts a conversation is a reason to talk, and some ease about talking.

Plenty of places supply the reason without the glass. A shared class, a line for coffee, a dog in a park, a charity event. In those places you can be fully yourself, and you tend to meet women in a calmer state than the one a loud bar produces.

• Coffee shops. Pick one you can visit regularly. A comment on the menu or the room, kept light, is plenty. If she is working or has headphones on, leave her alone.
• Fitness classes and clubs. Run clubs, climbing, yoga, boxing, dance. Shared effort breaks the ice, and the same women turn up each week.
• Classes and workshops. Cooking, language, art, photography. You are doing something together, which gives you plenty to say.
• Volunteering. Shelters, food banks, cleanups. You meet people who care about what you care about.
• Markets, bookstores and festivals. Slow places where people browse and talk.
• Hobby groups. Board games, hiking, book clubs, trivia teams. Anything that meets regularly.
• Dog parks. A dog is an easy opener, and most owners like talking about theirs.

Pick two or three and keep going. A familiar face is far easier to talk to than a stranger.

Not drinking does not rule out nightlife. You can go to a bar, a music night or a party and hold a soda with lime, which looks the same as a gin and tonic from across the room.

The thing to be careful about is how you feel there. If a loud bar drains you or makes you want to leave, you will not do well in it. That is a venue problem, not a you problem. Venue choice has real effects on your results. A quiet man with a verbal style of conversation does better in a place where people can hear each other than in a room built around dancing.

So choose places that fit you. Ask yourself whether you can hear, whether you can talk to people, and whether you enjoy being there.

It will come up, and the answer should be short and unbothered. "I do not drink" said with a small shrug is plenty. You can add "I like it better this way" if you want. You do not owe an explanation, and you do not need to apologize.

What makes it awkward is not the fact. It is when you turn it into a speech, or when you act as if you are waiting for judgment. If you say it plainly and move on to something else, most people drop it.

A few things to avoid:

• Do not lecture anyone about drinking.
• Do not announce it as a big personal statement within the first minute.
• Do not let anyone push a drink on you. "I am good, thanks" is a full sentence.

If someone keeps pushing, that tells you something about whether you want to spend the evening with them.

A date does not need a bar. Coffee, a walk, a market, a gallery, a casual lunch, a class, a mini golf course or a food stall you both want to try are all good first dates. They give you something to do and something to talk about, so the evening does not rest entirely on conversation.

If she suggests drinks, you can say "I do not drink, but I would love to go somewhere for a good meal" or "let us do coffee first". Suggest something else with a clear time and place. Most women are fine with it, and many find a man who knows what he likes more attractive.

If she is drinking and you are not, that is fine. Do not judge it or comment on it. Keep your own head clear, enjoy the conversation, and notice how she is doing.

Being sober is not a handicap. It means you can read the room clearly, remember the names you hear and act in a way you will not regret in the morning.

Go where you can be yourself, show up regularly and talk to people kindly. Whether the glass in your hand has alcohol in it is the least interesting thing about you.