What Is the Best Way to Meet Women Without Alcohol?

Approach them in person, in the daytime, in places where people already talk. Coffee shops, parks, markets, bookstores, classes and gyms need no drink at all. The skill you are borrowing a drink to fake is the skill of starting a conversation, and you can build the real thing instead.

If you do go out at night, you can do that sober too. It takes a plan.

Men often search for a version of this: when does the shy character on a TV show learn to talk to women without a drink? The question is a fair one, because he cannot, and many men recognize themselves.

The real answer is the same for a character and for you. It comes with practice, in small steps, not with a moment of sudden courage. Nobody learns it by waiting for it.

A drink lowers your guard, so it feels like confidence. A coach at a dating program, who says he has done daygame, nightgame and dates sober for five years, lists what alcohol cost him. It stopped him noticing small signals from a woman. It made him sloppy. It made him forget what went well and what went badly. And a man who games drunk never improves his sober self, because the bravery is not his own.

We have written about this at more length in Drinking and Meeting Girls, Part 1. The point here is simple: if the aim is to get better at meeting women, a drink works against it.

Daytime does not need alcohol, and it is where most men do best.

• Coffee shops and cafés, where people linger and a remark about the room costs nothing.
• Parks and open walkways, where people came out to be around others.
• Markets, bookstores and shops, where there is always something to ask about.
• Classes and groups, such as a running club, a yoga class or a co-ed sports league. a dating coach suggests joining activities where the women you want to meet already are.
• Events for people who want to meet others, such as language exchanges and singles nights. a dating program suggests them as a warm-up if you have never gone out alone.

a dating coach also reminds men over 30 to get out of the house. If you usually order your lunch in, eat it at a restaurant, or work from a coffee shop once in a while.

What a drink gives you is a loosened-up feeling and no fear of being judged. You can get the same from rhythm.

The a dating program coach describes it as building a run: approach many people with little time between, until you stop worrying about each one and just keep going. After enough of them you slide into a loose, unselfconscious state. It might take fifteen or twenty approaches, and the first ones can be rough. Stay with it.

You can speed it up by being social all day, with the cashier, the barista, the driver. A man who has spoken to ten people by evening walks into a bar differently from a man who has said nothing since breakfast.

You can go out at night without a drink and still meet women.

• Arrive early. a dating program suggests getting to a venue before it fills and being the most social person there. Everyone is still sober, you build a run of conversations, and you pick up numbers and Instagram handles.
• Pick a place you can talk in. A bar where you can hear each other beats a loud club.
• Know your opener. a dating coach's advice for night is the same as for day. Have a default opener so you have no reason to hesitate.
• Order something non-alcoholic and hold it. A glass in your hand is plenty. Nobody checks what is in it.

If you do choose to drink, keep it low.

Many men who rely on alcohol rely on it because they have never practiced without it. A coach beside you helps you practice in a setting that is real.

At a Cold Approach Bootcamp, in Miami or New York, each day has two four-hour blocks in the field, with daygame and nightgame mixed to suit the student. Your coach coaches live on every approach and gives feedback after every set, and you leave with a written practice plan. If nights are what worry you, say so, and your coach can weight your days toward daytime first.

Where do I meet women if I do not drink?

Anywhere people gather by day, in classes and groups, or at an event built for meeting people. A bar is optional.

Will women care if I am not drinking?

Most never notice. They notice how you talk to them.