First Date Ideas If You Do Not Drink

The best first dates without alcohol are the ones where something is happening besides drinking: a walk, a market, a game, a tasting, a show. Pick a place with a built-in activity, keep it to about ninety minutes and have a second stop in mind. You do not need to explain why you are not drinking, and most dates never ask.

Daytime dates have a quiet advantage: there is no bar to avoid.

1. Coffee and a walk. Get coffee, then walk a park or a waterfront. Walking side by side takes the pressure off eye contact and gives you things to point at.
2. A farmers market or a food hall. Split a pastry, try a sample, buy her a flower if it feels natural. Both of you will have something to talk about before you sit down.
3. A bookstore or record shop. Ask her to pick one thing for you and you pick one for her. Compare at a cafe afterward.
4. A museum or a gallery. Short, quiet and full of things to react to. Choose one with a cafe so you have a second half.

Activity makes people relax. It also shows you what she is like when she is not performing.

5. Mini golf, bowling or an arcade. A little competition and a lot of laughing. Be a good loser.
6. A climbing gym or a skating rink. Only if she says she likes it. Otherwise you are testing her fitness on a first date.
7. A cooking or pottery class. Good for the second date, when you know her a little better.
8. A hike with a view. A short one. Bring water and something to eat at the top.

9. Dessert or hot pot. A dessert place, a ramen counter or a hot pot spot gives you food to share, which is a quiet kind of closeness.
10. A comedy show or a live music night with a soda. You have something to react to together, and you get a topic for the walk home.
11. A trivia night. Pick a team name together before the first question.
12. Tea or a late dessert after a movie. It gives the movie a place to land and gives the two of you time to talk about it.

When coach closes a number with a woman and mentions he does not drink, his plan is simple. He offers a smoothie, a coffee, a healthy sandwich or a walk on the beach. He gives her a short menu of easy, specific options. She picks one, and the plan feels like her choice.

You can use the same move. "I do not drink much, so I am a coffee, tea or a walk kind of guy. Which one sounds good this week?" It is relaxed, it is specific and it sets the tone.

Some women will suggest a bar, and going is fine. My view is that you can walk into a bar and not drink. Order a sparkling water with lime, an orange juice or a virgin cocktail. It is not a big deal to anyone else unless you make it one.

His warning is about the opposite case: a man who invites a woman to a bar and then makes a speech about not drinking. If not drinking is going to be a big deal for you, invite her somewhere else. A walk or a hot tea does the job. Do not create the problem and then apologize for it.

Order your drink with the same ease you would order food. "Sparkling water with lime for me." Keep your voice flat, and keep going.

Some women will notice. If she asks, answer once, briefly and without a story.

• "I do not drink much. I like being clear-headed on a first date."
• "It is not for me. I love a good espresso, though."
• "I stopped a while ago. I like it better this way."

Then ask her something. If she pushes for more, "it is a long story, tell me about you" ends it kindly. You do not owe an explanation, and a calm answer shows that you are comfortable with yourself.

If she says that a man who does not drink is a dealbreaker, thank her and keep the evening pleasant. She has told you something true about what she wants.

Pick one place, one backup and a time limit. If it is going well, stay for a second stop. If it is not, you can end the evening on your terms without feeling like you ran out. The idea matters less than the way you show up: relaxed, on time and curious about her. A good walk with an interested man beats a loud bar with a distracted one.