Is Dating in NYC Better Than Dating in San Francisco?

For most men, yes. New York has more women than men among adults, roughly ten times San Francisco's population, and bars that serve until 4 a.m. instead of 2 a.m. If you want to meet women in person, by day on the street or at night in bars, New York gives you more chances per hour than San Francisco can.

San Francisco can still work for dating. It just works differently, and a man who lives there can do well once he knows what he is up against.

Start with the ratio. Census figures quoted on Wikipedia put New York at about 86 men for every 100 women aged 18 and over. The same source puts San Francisco at almost 103 men for every 100 women in that age group. In one city the women outnumber the men. In the other, the men outnumber the women.

Then size. New York counted about 8.8 million people at its last census, while San Francisco has well under a million. That gap shows up every time you leave the house. a dating coach calls New York his number one city for learning to approach women, and his reason is volume: in a city that size you have what he calls "an unlimited supply of strangers to talk to."

A ratio on paper will not hand you a date. It changes the odds on each walk, each bar and each conversation, and in New York those odds lean your way.

New York is a walking city. Millions of people move between home, work, coffee and the train on foot, so a man who is out for an hour passes more women than he would in a week in most American cities. My favorite daytime spots are the parks, because a woman sitting in one came out to be around people and is in no hurry.

San Francisco has walkable neighborhoods too, and a sunny lawn like Dolores Park on a warm weekend is full of people sitting in groups. The difference is density. The good blocks are fewer, the hills spread people out, and fog and wind cut the number of afternoons when anyone wants to sit outside. You will find good moments. You will find fewer of them.

California law stops alcohol sales at 2 a.m., so San Francisco bars empty out then. New York bars may serve until 4 a.m., and coach treats those last two hours as some of the best of the night. As it gets late, friends go home, and the women still out are less tied to their group.

New York also has a transport advantage that matters more than it sounds. Most people there do not drive, so women tend to arrive and leave on their own by subway or cab. In a city where she came in a friend's car, she usually leaves in it, and so does her evening.

coach describes New York nightlife in three tiers: ordinary bars anyone can walk into, semi-exclusive clubs with a picky door, and the very top clubs. The bottom tier alone has enough people on a weeknight that you can bar hop without a plan. San Francisco has good bars, but fewer of them, and on a quiet Tuesday a handful of rooms may be all there is.

Smaller cities have one real advantage: people see each other again. In San Francisco you can become a regular at a cafe, a climbing gym or a running group and meet the same women week after week. Familiarity builds without any effort on your part.

The outdoor life helps as well. Hiking, cycling and the waterfront give you shared plans that make an easy first date.

The flip side is that a clumsy approach can follow you. In New York, an awkward conversation ends when you turn the corner, because the odds of crossing paths again are tiny. In San Francisco you might see her at the same coffee shop on Monday, so leave every conversation on good terms.

A better city gives you more chances. It does not walk over for you. Plenty of men move to New York for the dating and then spend their first year in the same three bars, talking only to the friends they came with. A man in San Francisco who approaches women every week will out-date him.

What moves with you from city to city is the skill itself. You walk over before the hesitation wins, open with something simple, read whether she wants the conversation, and leave politely when she does not. A man who can do that will date well in either city.

Cold Approach runs its Bootcamp in New York and Miami only, so a man from the Bay Area who wants to train in the field would come to New York. Each training day is two four-hour blocks of approaching real women, daygame and night game mixed to suit you, with live coaching on every approach and feedback after each set. Group runs three consecutive days with no more than three students per coach. Private is one, two or three days, fully 1-on-1, and longer programs are quoted on request. There is no skill floor, and you leave with a written practice plan for when you go out again at home.