Is NYC Dating Competitive?

NYC dating is competitive in the places where every man is doing the same thing. Think of exclusive clubs, after-work bars full of men in good suits, and anywhere you are one face among hundreds on a screen. It is much less competitive in the places where hardly any man is willing to act, which covers most of daily life. On a weekday afternoon in a park or a coffee shop, almost no one walks over to say hello, so the man who does has very little competition. Census figures also count about 86 adult men for every 100 adult women in the city, so the raw numbers lean your way.

Some corners of New York dating are crowded with capable men.

Exclusive clubs. The most selective nightclubs are full of very attractive women, and the men inside often have money, connections or a table. Competing there on status alone is expensive and hard to win.

Finance and tech bar crowds. Certain after-work bars in Midtown and downtown fill with ambitious, well-dressed men. A woman there gets plenty of attention, often from men who look a lot like you.

Anything on a screen. On a phone, a woman sees a long line of men she can compare side by side. Looks and photos decide most of it, and you get a few seconds to stand out.

If those are the only places you look, New York will feel brutally competitive, because there it is.

Now picture a Saturday in Washington Square Park, a Tuesday evening in a bookstore, or a quiet coffee shop at ten in the morning. Lots of attractive women are there, in no rush.

How many men walk over and say hello? Almost none. Most men in New York want to meet women and very few will start a conversation with a stranger. So in the moment you do it, you are often the only man competing for her attention. That is the least crowded part of New York dating, and it is open every day.

New York is the most populous city in the United States, and among adults the census count shows women outnumbering men. a dating coach calls the ratio "actually in your favor", which he notes is very different from a lot of places.

The ratio will not do the work for you. What it does mean is that the competition men complain about is mostly a product of where they look and how they date, rather than a shortage of women.

When men talk about competition in New York, they usually mean money, height or job titles. Those matter less than you think once you are in a real conversation.

What sets a man apart in person is simpler:

• He acts. He walks over instead of hoping she looks his way.
• He looks put together. Clothes that fit, decent grooming and good posture already put him ahead of plenty of men.
• He is easy to talk to. Warm, curious and relaxed beats impressive and rehearsed.
• He is clear. If he likes her, he says so and suggests a time to meet.

None of those require a bigger salary than the next man.

Of all the ways to meet women in New York, daytime approaching has the least competition. My favorite daytime spots are the parks: Washington Square Park, Bryant Park, Madison Square Park and Union Square. A woman sitting in a park has come out to be around people.

Night has more men fighting for attention, but it has its quieter corners too. coach likes dive bars on a weeknight, where a woman out midweek has no fixed plan and plenty of time to talk.

You do not need a bottle service table or a better job title. You need reps. Pick a few places near home, go at the hours women are there, and say hello to more women than feels comfortable each week. Within a month the city will feel far less crowded, because you will be playing a game most men never enter.

Cold Approach runs its Bootcamp in New York and Miami only. Every training day is two four-hour blocks in the field, with daygame and night game mixed to suit you, and live coaching on every approach. Group is three consecutive days with no more than three students per coach, and Private is one, two or three days fully 1-on-1. There is no skill floor, and approach anxiety is a specialty, so you can start whatever your experience.