How to Text a Woman You Met at the Bar

Text her the next day, late morning or early afternoon, say who you are, mention one real thing from the night, and suggest a specific plan within a few messages. A number from a bar needs more care than most, because she may have been drinking and meeting other people. If she cannot place you, a good evening can vanish in a single unclear text.

At a bar, the conversation happens in loud rooms, with drinks, with friends nearby. She may have liked you a lot and still not remember your name the next morning. My first texting rule covers this: make sure she knows who you are, with your name and number saved in her phone.

If you text from an unknown number with something like "hey what are you up to," it looks like a stranger, and it gets ignored or blocked. If she sees your name and a clear reminder of the night, she is more likely to be glad to hear from you.

The best moment to solve this is before you leave. coach gives two ways. One is to take her phone, put your name and number in yourself, and have her text you, so that she sees she texted first even though you typed it. The other is to take her number and text your name right away, so she can save it herself and see roughly what time of night it was.

If you did neither, the first line of your next text has to do the job: your name and where you met.

The next day, late morning or early afternoon, is the safe time. My rule is to text when she can actually respond, and a woman who was out late is not likely to answer at eight in the morning. A message in the middle of the night, when you are drunk and she is not, has the same problem and adds a worse impression.

If you met early in the evening and the connection was strong, a short same-night text is fine. What does not work is waiting a week because you read it makes you look busy. The longer you wait, the more the first text has to carry.

Say who you are, mention one specific thing, and keep it short. coach says to include a call back if it is a good, easy one, and otherwise to trust the good interaction and send your name.

• "Hey, it's Sam from the rooftop bar. Did you win the argument about the jukebox?"
• "It's Sam. Good meeting you last night. Hope the hangover is manageable."
• "Hey, this is Sam, the guy who guessed your job wrong three times. I owe you one correct guess."

All three are short, name you, mention something real, and give her something easy to answer.

Keep it to one idea. Do not write a long message about how great she was. coach says a wall of text looks needy.

The bar is the wrong place to build a lasting connection, because everything is loud and loose. Use the text to move into a calmer setting.

My sequence is a qualifier, a vague suggestion and a close. For example: "Are you a coffee person or a cocktail person?" She answers. "Good. There is a place near you that does both. What does your Thursday look like?" Then name a time.

Ask within a few messages. If you spend three days chatting about nothing, the spark from the night cools.

If she does not answer, do not send three more messages. coach says double texting out of worry looks needy. Give her a day, and then send one calm follow-up that is easy to answer.

If you already had plans and she goes quiet before the date, follow up once. My advice is that letting the time of a date pass without checking in looks unentitled and gives up your best chance of saving the evening. One more message gives you a chance. Do not send a long complaint.

Do not text when you are drunk. Do not open with only "hey." Do not make her guess which man you are. Do not send a long compliment about her looks, which she can only answer with "thanks." And do not treat her number as a prize that needs an elaborate text to earn.

Get your name in her phone, text the next day, mention something real, and ask for a specific plan. A girl you met at a bar will come out with you if you make it clear who you are and easy to say yes.