How to Leave a Bar With a Woman You Just Met

Spend real time with her first, then suggest the two of you go somewhere better, with her friends told and your plan ready. "This place has gotten loud. I know somewhere quieter. Let's go." She says yes when she is already enjoying you and the next step feels easy and safe. The leaving is the end of a good conversation, not a trick.

A woman leaves with a man she has spent time with and likes. If you have talked for five minutes and ask her to go, you are asking a stranger. If you have talked, laughed, maybe danced or shared a drink for an hour, you are asking someone who knows what you are like.

a dating coach teaches that the reason to leave should be primarily about the two of you having a good time and wanting to keep it going. Not about a party, a place or a promise. The less you lean on outside reasons, the less can go wrong.

There are two common windows:

• The end of the night. When the bar is closing and everyone has to go, leaving together is natural. coach points out that for men still learning, this is when most women go home with you, because the venue itself ends the evening. A man who plans to stay until the end has more of these chances than a man who leaves early.
• Earlier, once it is going well. This takes more skill. You frame it as moving to a better place, and you do it while the energy is high.

Whichever you choose, do not wait so long that she gets tired, or move so early that she has not warmed up.

My advice is to screen early. Who is she with, how close are they, and how much freedom does the group give her? A woman who will not go five feet from her friend all night is probably not leaving with you tonight, and pushing will weaken whatever number you might have gotten. A woman out with people she barely knows, who lives nearby, is a different situation.

Find this out in the first part of the conversation, so you do not spend four hours on something that cannot happen and miss someone for whom it could.

If things are going well and she needs the bathroom, walk her there and wait outside. My lesson from many nights: in a loud room, promoters, other men and new friends pull her away, and by the time she returns, she may assume you left. Staying close in a natural, relaxed way avoids all of it.

If she came with friends, tell them. A quick "I am going to grab a drink with her somewhere quieter, we will text you" is polite and safe. Friends who like you do not pull her back. Friends who were ignored do exactly that.

Before you went out, you should have known where you would take her: a lounge, a rooftop, a place near your home. coach recommends going out near where you live so this is short and easy. The more planning, the less awkward it is when the moment comes.

Keep it comfortable for her. Offer something plain, like another drink somewhere calm, and let her decide the pace. If she wants to go home alone, or says no at any point, accept it and thank her. A calm no from you tonight is how you get a yes next week.

• Do not hype the next place so much that you depend on it.
• Do not pour drinks into her or let yourself get drunk. You both need to be clear-headed.
• Do not argue, pressure or follow if she says no.
• Do not forget her friends or ignore their questions.

It is hard to learn this from a page. At a Cold Approach Bootcamp, your coach is in the bar with you and tells you when the timing is right. Training days run as two four-hour blocks in the field in Miami or New York, with daygame and night game mixed to suit you.