How to Text a Woman You Just Met on WhatsApp

Send her your name and where you met within a day, keep every text short and light, and use the chat to get to a call and a date. That is the whole job. WhatsApp is a place to set up a date, not a place to build a friendship, so the faster you turn a good first meeting into a plan, the better it goes.

If she gave you her number last night, she may not remember your name this morning. coach points out that a text from an unsaved number saying "hey what are you up to" gets ignored or blocked, while a text that tells her who you are gets a warm answer.

So your first text carries your name and a pointer to the moment:

• "Hi, it's Dan from the rooftop bar. The guy who lost the argument about pineapple on pizza."
• "Dan here, from the bookshop. Good to meet you."

The best version, when you can manage it, is to take her phone and type your own name and number in yourself, then have her text you. She ends up with you saved properly and a chat that begins with her message. A callback joke is fine if it is easy and true. If you are reaching for one, skip it and let your name do the work.

WhatsApp gives you small signals, and men read far too much into them. One tick means the text went out and has not reached her phone, which can be a weak signal or a phone that is off. Two ticks mean it arrived. Blue ticks mean she opened it, if she has read receipts turned on, and plenty of people switch those off. Last seen can also be hidden in her settings.

Take none of it as an answer. A girl who opened your text and did not reply is usually mid-task and meant to answer later. The one useful rule is the one coach gives for all texting: do not respond within seconds every time, and do not double text because you are nervous. Check her last seen once and put the phone down.

Keep it to one idea, two at most. My reasoning is that a wall of text from you looks needy, and it is hard for her to answer in kind.

A workable first exchange:

1. Day one: your name and the callback, as above.
2. When she answers, one light line about the thing you shared: "I'm still trying to work out whether that DJ was a genius or a hostage."
3. Then one question that is easy to answer with a story: "What's your usual Friday, bars or sofa?"

Do not interview her. Three questions in a row feels like a form. React to what she says, tease a little, and send a short answer of your own.

My strong preference is to speak on the phone before a date. A call makes her feel she knows you, and he says the flake rate falls and she arrives more excited. On WhatsApp this is easy. Send a voice note, or ask for a quick call:

"This is getting too long to type. Free for five minutes tomorrow evening? I'll call."

Because WhatsApp calls can be audio or video, a short video call also lets both of you see whether the person looks like the photos, which saves an evening if it does not.

Do not drop "drinks tomorrow at 7" out of nowhere. My closing sequence goes in three steps: qualify, suggest vaguely, then close.

• Qualify: "Are you an adventurous person?"
• Vague suggestion: "What's your view on a drink and some witty banter?"
• Close: "What's your schedule like this week?" Then offer two specific times.

Each yes makes the next one easier, and one big blunt invitation risks one big no.

• Sending a voice note every time you have a thought. Voice notes are for the call, not a diary.
• Writing at her late at night, then more at 7am. Text when she is awake and free to answer.
• Replying in five seconds to every text while she takes hours. Reply in a normal gap, an hour or a few, unless you are making same-day plans.
• Letting the chat run for two weeks without an invitation. If you are texting most days and have not met, the texting has replaced the date.
• Chasing a no. If she says she is busy and offers nothing else twice, move on.

The aim is simple. Get the name in, keep it light, get on a call, and name a day. If she wants to see you, WhatsApp will have done its job in a few days.