How to Text a Woman You Have Been Set Up With

Text her yourself, soon, and open with your name and the friend who connected you. Keep it friendly and short, ask one easy question, and aim to meet within a few exchanges. A setup is a gift because she already has a reason to trust you. The way to waste it is to wait too long or to treat the chat like an interview.

Before you send anything, ask your friend two things. Does she know I am going to text her? And what should I know about her? A woman who has been told to expect a message is far more likely to answer than one who finds an unknown number in her phone.

Ask what she likes to do, so your first question has a target. Do not ask your friend to coach every line. You want to sound like yourself.

If your friend has not asked her yet, wait. A cold text from a name she does not know is the same as texting a stranger.

Do not hold it for the perfect moment. The introduction is fresh now, and each day you wait gives her more time to forget it or wonder why you have not written.

My first texting rule is that she must know who you are, so the opening line should include your name and the friend's name. Then give her something easy to answer.

"Hi [her name], it's [your name]. [Friend] said we should meet because we both have strong opinions about breakfast. Settle this: sweet or savory?"

Or, if you know she shares an interest:

"Hi, this is [your name]. [Friend] told me you run half marathons, which sounds like a hostile way to spend a Sunday. How did you get into it?"

Keep it to one or two ideas, informal, and without a paragraph about yourself. A friend's introduction has already done the work of telling her you are decent.

Looking her up before you text is natural. Quoting what you found is not. "I saw on your profile that you went to Lisbon" tells her you read her history, and it is one thing she might not have wanted a stranger to bring up. Use what your friend told you in general terms, such as her hobby or her work, and let her tell you the rest.

coach teaches that texting exists to get you to a call or a date. With a setup, you can move faster than you could with a stranger, because the trust is borrowed from your friend.

His sequence works well: a light question about her, some banter, and then a close. After two or three friendly exchanges, suggest something small:

"I'm going to the market on Saturday morning for the best coffee in the city. You should come and tell me if I'm wrong."

A related point: inviting a woman to something you would be doing anyway lowers the stakes, because her involvement does not feel like a big deal. Avoid calling it a date. A coffee, a walk or a lunch is easier to accept from a man she has not met.

Your friend's reputation is on the line, so treat the introduction with respect. Be on time. Be kind in how you describe her afterward. Do not share details of how it went with anyone beyond a short, honest "we had a good time".

If it goes well, say thank you. If it does not, say so gently to your friend, and say it to her kindly too. A short "I enjoyed meeting you but I don't think we're a fit" is enough.

Give her a day. My rule is to avoid sending a second message right after the first, and the same applies here. If she has not answered after a couple of days, you may ask your friend to mention it, or send one friendly follow-up. After that, let it go. A setup that does not take is still a setup that did not cost you your friendship.