How to Start a Conversation on Happn

You cannot write to someone on happn straight away. Both of you have to Like each other first, which gives you a Crush, and after that you can chat for free. The other route is a SuperCrush, a message you send before there is a Crush, which the app describes as the best way to get noticed. Those are the only two ways a first message gets sent on happn.

Most chats on happn start this way. You tap the heart on someone you crossed paths with, and nothing happens on her side, because a Like is secret.

If she has liked you too, or likes you later, the two Likes meet and you get a Crush. From then on either of you can write, and chatting costs nothing.

The weakness of this route is that it depends on her. If she never happens to tap the heart on you, you never get the chance to say anything, however good your line would have been.

A SuperCrush lets you go first. It arrives as a notification. It can also carry a message reacting to something specific she has put up: a photo, her description, or the place your paths crossed.

If she accepts it, it becomes a Crush and the chat opens. If she refuses, you will no longer cross paths with her on the app.

a dating coach's view of super likes on other apps applies here. They bring your interest to her attention, which raises the chance she actually looks at you. They also give away a little of your position, because you showed interest first, so the message that comes with it has to be good.

Whichever route you took, the first message decides most of what follows.

a dating coach's method is to look through what she has put up for anything unusual he can comment on, or better, tease her about. He keeps it short, because fewer words usually land better. And he would rather react to something she wrote than to her photos. A comment on her words comes across as genuine. A comment on her looks comes across as superficial.

So skip "hey", skip "how's your week going", and skip the compliment on her smile. Pick one specific thing and have a little fun with it.

A couple of examples show the difference. If her description says she is training for a marathon, "Training for a marathon on purpose? I have questions" is short and playful. If a photo shows her with an enormous dog, ask who is walking whom. Both give her something easy to answer, and neither is about her looks.

This app gives you an opener no other app hands you so neatly: you already share a bit of geography.

You crossed paths somewhere, which means you probably share a neighborhood, a commute, a gym or a favorite coffee spot. A short, playful line about that is specific, easy to answer and has nothing to do with her looks. "So you're the reason the good table at the corner café is always taken" works because it is light, a little cheeky and obviously about a place you both know.

Keep it about the place, not about her movements. A joke about a shared coffee shop is charming. A detailed note of where and when you think you saw her is not.

The goal of a happn chat is a date, and the longer a chat runs without a plan, the more likely it is to fade out.

a dating coach aims to go from the app to her number within four to seven messages, each one moving a little closer to meeting. On happn that is easier than usual, because you already know you live or work near each other. After a few messages of back and forth, suggest something simple close to where your paths crossed, name a day, and ask.

If she says yes, take her number and set it up. If she is vague, try once more with a specific time. If she stays vague, let it go.

A few habits reliably turn a Crush into silence.

Waiting for her to write first after a Crush, when she already said yes by liking you back. Sending a paragraph when a line would do. Asking a string of interview questions that give her nothing to react to. And chatting happily for a week without ever suggesting you meet, until one of you simply stops opening the app.

Every one of those has the same fix. Write something short and specific, keep it playful, and ask her out while the interest is still warm.