How Matching and Messaging Work on Raya

On Raya, you can only talk to another member once the two of you have liked each other. Raya's privacy policy says a mutual like is what enables you to chat with that person through the app. It describes conversations happening through text chat, status posts or video chat, and it notes that the person you communicate with sees the content of that interaction.

Nothing happens on Raya until both people have said yes. You like her, she likes you, and only then can either of you start a conversation.

That has a consequence men underrate. Every chat you have on Raya starts with a woman who has already chosen you. You are not cold-calling anybody. The hard part, getting her to want to talk, is half done before the first line is sent.

So the like itself deserves care. A like spent on a woman you would not actually take out becomes a conversation you will not follow up. Like the women you genuinely want to meet, and treat each mutual like as a small opportunity rather than a trophy.

Chat is where most of your conversations will live, and it rewards the same things it rewards on any app.

Keep your first line short. a dating coach's rule of thumb for openers is that fewer words usually beat more. He also finds that a comment on something she wrote tends to land better than a comment on her photo, because it reads as genuine rather than superficial.

Raya also shows you things the two of you have in common, such as Instagram accounts you both follow. That gives you an easy, specific place to start that nobody else can copy.

Then keep the conversation heading somewhere. The point of a chat is a date, not a pen pal.

Raya's privacy policy lists status posts as one of the ways members communicate, alongside chat and video. Anything you put there is part of how other members get to know you.

Treat a status post the way you would treat a photo on your page. Keep it about your actual life, keep it light, and leave out anything you would not want a woman you have not met yet to read.

Raya's third channel is video chat, and it is worth using more than most men do.

a dating coach likes a call before a first date. When a woman's pictures look questionable, he asks for a video call rather than a voice one, partly to know who is actually turning up. The bigger benefit is how she arrives. After a good call she shows up already relaxed and invested, instead of nervous about meeting a stranger and planning her exit.

A short video chat, once a text conversation is going well, does both jobs on Raya. It confirms you are the man in your photos, and it turns a stranger into someone she has already laughed with. Suggest it lightly: "Want to do a quick video call this week before we grab a drink?"

Raya's privacy policy states the obvious in writing: the person you communicate with sees the content of that interaction.

Take that literally. Anything you type, post or say on a video call is in front of a real person who can reread it. Write nothing you would be embarrassed to have read back to you. Raya's own rules ban sharing what members show each other, and the men who do well there treat every conversation as private in both directions.

The steps are the same ones that work on the other dating apps, done a little more carefully, because every match on Raya was harder to get.

Reply the same day. Keep the early messages short and specific. Once she is answering with interest, suggest a video chat or a plan with a day attached. If a conversation stalls after two tries, let it go and put your attention on the next woman.

A small app with careful members rewards a man who follows up well. Most of the value is already in the mutual like. The rest is not wasting it.