How to Spot a Scammer on Facebook Dating

Facebook's safety page for Dating names four signs that the person you are talking to is a scammer. They want to leave Facebook Dating straight away for personal email or another messaging app. They say they are in love with you very quickly. They plan to come and visit, then cancel because something bad happened. And they ask you to wire money or send gifts or gift cards. Facebook adds that any online love interest who asks for money is likely a scammer, so that last sign settles it on its own.

Each sign on the list can look innocent by itself. Plenty of real women are warm, and plenty of real plans fall through.

What gives a scam away is the order. The rush to move the chat usually comes first, because a scam runs more easily in private. The early declarations of love come next, because they build a bond before anything real has happened. The canceled visit keeps you hoping without ever putting two people in the same room. The money comes last, once you care enough to say yes.

So do not judge one message. Judge the whole conversation.

This one needs care, because moving off the app is also what a good date plan looks like.

a dating coach's own habit is to get from the app to her number within four to seven messages, and then to make a plan. That is normal. A man asks for a number so that two people can arrange to meet.

The warning sign is different in three ways. It comes almost at once, before any real conversation. It usually points to personal email or a messaging app you do not normally use, not to a phone number and a date. And it is pushed hard, with a reason why the chat simply cannot stay where it is. A real woman is happy to move to texting once a plan is forming. A scammer wants you somewhere else before you have even said much.

Real interest takes time to grow. She is keen on Tuesday, quieter on Wednesday, and she asks you things she actually wants to know.

A scam skips that part. You hear that she has never felt like this, that you are the one, that she thinks about you all day, from someone you have never met and barely know. Notice how little of it is about you specifically. The compliments are about how you make her feel, which anyone could say to anyone.

a dating coach's advice on screening applies here. Before a date, suggest a short video call. A real woman who likes you will usually say yes, or offer another real way to show she is who she says she is. An account run by someone else will find a reason.

Facebook lists this one directly: they plan to visit, then cancel because something bad happened.

The story is always sympathetic. A sick parent, a lost wallet, a problem at the airport, a delay at work abroad. Any one of those can happen to anybody. What does not happen to real people is the same shape every time you get close to meeting.

The test is simple. Keep offering ordinary, easy plans near where she says she lives. A woman who wants to see you will find a way into the same room. A scam never quite gets there.

This is the sign that needs no judgment call. Facebook says any online love interest who asks for money is likely a scammer.

The request tends to arrive once you are invested, and it is usually small enough to feel rude to refuse. A fee to release a package. A flight home she cannot cover. A bill that has to be paid today. Watch how she wants it sent, too. Facebook specifically names wiring money and sending gifts or gift cards.

Say no, stop replying, and send nothing, however good the story sounds. A real woman who likes you does not need money from a man she has never met.

Facebook states plainly that Dating does not run criminal background checks or sex offender register searches on its members.

That means the checking is on you. Keep the early messages on the app. Ask for a video call before you meet. Meet somewhere public and busy the first time, and tell a friend where you will be.

None of that is paranoid. It is the same care you would take arranging to meet any stranger, and it costs a real woman nothing.

You do not owe a scammer an argument. Once two or three of these signs line up, or the moment money comes up, stop replying.

Do not send the one last message explaining that you know. Do not send a small amount to see what happens. And if you already sent money, contact your bank straight away rather than waiting to see if it comes back.

Then get back to the women who are actually real. Their conversations are slower, messier and far less flattering. They are also the ones that end in a drink on a Thursday.