How Do You Stop a Romance Scammer?

You stop sending money, you stop replying, you block the account, and you report it to the app and to your bank. You cannot talk a romance scammer out of it, because she is not a person who can be persuaded. She is working a script on many men, and your goodbye is just another message to her. The aim is to end contact cleanly and protect everything you have already given.

If any money has moved, or any gift card or code has been sent, this is the first and most urgent step.

Call your bank or card company the same day and tell them plainly that you were scammed. A recent transfer can sometimes be stopped or recovered, and the chance shrinks with every day you wait. Give them the details: the amount, the date, the account or service you used, and the name she used.

If she has asked you to buy gift cards, tell the company that issued them as well. And from this point on, send nothing more, not a smaller amount, not "one last time" and not to "release" the money you already sent. That last request is the scam continuing.

Do not argue with her. Do not send a long message explaining that you worked it out, and do not threaten her.

An argument is the part she is best at, and you will lose it. She has a reason ready for every question, and each reply gives her more to work with. A calm goodbye is not needed either, because it only opens another round.

Block the account. Block the number if you moved to texting. Block her on any other platform you were connected on. Then stop thinking of it as a conversation you are leaving, and think of it as a door you have shut.

Reporting does two things. It starts the process of getting the account removed, and it adds to the record that others rely on.

• The app. Use the report button on her page, and say it is a suspected romance scam. Save screenshots of her page and the conversation first, because the account may vanish.
• Your bank or card company. Covered above, but report it again in writing if you can.
• The fraud reporting service in your country. Most countries have one for this kind of crime. Give them the screenshots, the payment details and any names, links or numbers she used.

Keep every screenshot, receipt and message in a folder. You do not have to understand which piece matters. The people who deal with this will know.

Some scams turn from affection to pressure. If you sent an intimate photo or video and she now says she will share it unless you pay, the rule is the same: do not pay.

Paying rarely ends it, and it tells her that you will keep paying. Stop replying, block her, and tell someone you trust. Report it to the app and to the authorities, and say clearly that it is blackmail. Many men feel ashamed and say nothing, which is exactly what the threat depends on. Telling one person takes most of its power away.

If you gave her more than money, tidy that up as well.

• Change the password on any account where she could have seen or guessed it.
• If you gave her a banking login, a code or remote access to your phone or computer, contact the bank at once and have the device checked.
• Be careful of anyone who contacts you afterward offering to get your money back for a fee. That is the same scam sold to you a second time, and recovering money does not work that way.

Some men reply to a scammer for a while, to waste her time or to see how far it goes. It is a poor idea. It keeps you in contact with someone who is skilled at manipulation, and it exposes more of your life to her. Block, report and move on.

Most men who get into this feel stupid, and the shame is why it keeps working. It does not mean anything about your intelligence. The script is built so that kindness and loneliness do the work, and it fits a sensible man as well as it fits a fool.

If you want to know how to see one coming, the article on spotting a romance scam on a dating app covers the early signs. If you are in the middle of one now, the steps above are the whole job: stop the money, cut contact, report, and tell someone. Then give yourself a week before you go back on the apps.