How to Send a Voice Message on Plenty of Fish

Open the chat in the POF app on your phone, tap the plus sign to the left of the message box, and tap the microphone. Press and hold the microphone while you talk, then tap send. The option only appears once the two of you have reached conversation status, because voice messages are part of POF's Conversation Powers. It works in the iOS and Android apps, not on the website.

Here is the full sequence, start to finish.

Open the POF app on your phone and go into the chat with her. Look to the left of the box where you type, and tap the plus sign. Tap the microphone. Now press and hold the microphone and speak. When you have said what you want to say, tap send.

If you are on a computer, you will not find the option. Voice messages only work in the iOS and Android apps.

If you open a chat and there is no microphone, the conversation is probably too new.

POF groups voice messages with its other Conversation Powers, and those only become available once you and she have reached conversation status. In plain terms, the two of you need a real back and forth going before POF lets you send her your voice.

That is a sensible rule from her side. A voice note from a man she has not spoken to yet can feel like a lot. A voice note from a man she has already been chatting with feels like the conversation getting warmer.

Until the option appears, keep typing. Short replies that answer what she said and add one small thing about your own day build the kind of back and forth that gets you there. Ask her the odd question, but do not turn it into an interview.

The more personal the way you talk to her, the better. A video call beats a phone call, a phone call beats a voice note, and a voice note beats typed text. Each step up lets her hear more of who you are.

So a voice message earns its place in a few situations.

When you have a lot to say, speak it. A long block of text from a man she barely knows looks like hard work to answer. The same thing said in thirty relaxed seconds sounds easy and friendly.

When you are joking, speak it. A tease that reads as rude in text can sound warm and obviously playful when she hears you laughing as you say it.

When things are going well and you want to move toward a date, speak it. Hearing your voice is often the thing that makes her comfortable enough to say yes to meeting.

Keep it simple and specific. Answer what she just asked, or pick up the last thing she mentioned, and add a bit of your own day.

Something like: "Okay, I have to hear the rest of the story about your sister's wedding. I'm walking home from the gym right now, so this is the perfect distraction." It is relaxed, it follows on from what she said, and it gives her an easy way to reply.

Speak the way you would to a friend. Do not read from a script, and do not re-record it ten times trying to sound perfect. A little background noise and a natural pause sound far better than something that plainly took twenty takes.

Give her something to answer, too. A voice note that only says "hey, how's it going" wastes the one thing a voice note is good for. Mention something real, then leave her an easy opening to reply, and she may well answer with a voice note of her own.

A voice message is not a podcast. Aim for something she can listen to in one go without checking how much is left. Somewhere under a minute is plenty.

Send one, then wait for her answer. A string of voice notes in a row has the same effect as a wall of text messages: it looks like you care more about the chat than she does.

Keep it clean, too. A voice note that makes her uncomfortable is easy for her to report, and a man who gets reported ends up shown to fewer women on the app.

The point of chatting on the apps is to make her comfortable enough to meet you. A voice message is a step toward that, not a replacement for it.

If she sends one back, that is a good sign. The next step up is a quick call, or simply a plan. Suggest a drink or a coffee with a day and a place, and keep the invitation short. You have already let her hear you, so asking her out will feel like a natural follow-on rather than a leap.