How to Flirt at a College Bar

Get there early, say hi to her group with a short line about the night, and once she is laughing, tease her a little and make it obvious you like her. A college bar is loud, packed and full of friend groups, so short openers, a friendly word for her friends and a clean exit when she is not interested do more than any clever line. The same approach answers how to talk to girls at college bars and how to pick one up: be the most relaxed, fun person near her, then single her out.

A college bar is not a city lounge. Drinks are cheap, the music is loud, and almost nobody is alone. Girls come in groups of four to eight, often for a birthday or a theme night, and most of them know half the room.

That has two effects. First, you will be talking to a group, almost every time. Second, it is a small world. You will see her at the library on Monday, and her friends will see you too. Campus rewards the guy who is friendly with everyone and easy to be around, far more than the guy who treats every night as a hunt. Behave so that a no costs you nothing.

The guys who do well at college bars are not standing against the wall with a drink. They are talking to the bartender, the guys at the next table, the group in line for the bathroom. That is not wasted effort. It warms your voice up, and it means that by the time you walk over to her, you are already the guy who is having a good night.

Arrive before the room is packed. At ten it is easy to talk. At midnight you are shouting.

Bring the right energy in. A guy who walks in tired, checking his phone and eyeing the exit makes everyone near him a little bored. A guy who walks in upright, relaxed and glad to be there makes the room warmer.

You will have a few seconds of her attention, so keep it to one breath:

• "Whose birthday is it? Somebody here is clearly in charge of this group."
• "Okay, settle something. Is this song good or are we all just drunk?"
• "I've seen you guys win three rounds of whatever game this is. What's the secret?"
• "Hey, I'm Jake. I wanted to come meet you before the night got away from me."

The first three open the group. The last one is direct and works when she is on her own for a moment, at the bar or waiting for a friend. Either way, follow the line with something about you: your major, the friend whose idea it was to come here, the fact that you have never seen this place so full.

Flirting at a college bar is mostly playfulness. Make a light accusation: "You're definitely the one who convinced everyone to do shots." Pretend to disapprove of something small, like her drink order or her terrible taste in music. Hold eye contact a little longer than feels normal, and smile while you do it.

Then show real interest. Ask about something she actually said, not a checklist of major, year and hometown. If she mentions a trip, ask about the worst part of it. Let her see you are enjoying talking to her.

A light touch on the arm when you laugh together is normal at a bar. If she leans away, stop. If she leans in, you are doing fine.

At a college bar, her friends are with her all night and they have opinions. Be fun with them. Learn a name or two. Do not pull her away in the first two minutes, because that is how a friend comes and drags her to the dance floor.

Once the group likes you, it is easy to turn more of your attention to her. A good sign is when her friends start drifting off and leaving the two of you alone.

Because you will see these people again, a few rules matter more here than anywhere else:

• Do not work your way through her whole friend group after she says no.
• Do not get sloppy drunk. Everyone remembers the guy who did.
• Take short answers and a turned shoulder as a no, and leave with a smile.

Ask for her number or her Instagram before the bar closes, and suggest a plan for later in the week, like coffee after class or a party on Saturday.

You learn to open a loud group by opening loud groups with someone next to you telling you what to change. A Cold Approach Bootcamp runs in Miami and New York, fully in the field, with night game in bars and lounges mixed with daygame to suit you. Each training day is two four-hour blocks, with live coaching on every approach and feedback after every set.

Group runs three consecutive days at a 3:1 student-to-coach ratio, and Private is 1-on-1 for one, two or three days. No experience is required, and you leave with a written practice plan.