How to Make Friends on Campus

Show up to the same places often, say hello first, and invite people to something small. Friendships on a campus grow out of repeated, easy contact, and they grow faster when you are the one who starts. That includes friendships with women. A friendly man who is relaxed with everyone is the kind a woman is happy to know, and some of those friendships turn into more.

The goal is to be a friend first, with no hidden agenda pressing on every conversation.

You will not become close to someone after one chat. You become close through the second, third and tenth, in the same lecture hall, dining hall or gym. Psychologists call this the effect of simple exposure, and you can use it on purpose.

Pick two or three places you will be every week. A table at the library, a club that meets on Wednesday, a regular seat in class. People who see you often begin to see you as familiar, and familiar people get invited.

Most students are waiting for someone else to speak. Be that someone.

A smile and a short hello is enough: "Hey, I am Marcus, I sit behind you in statistics." Then ask something easy about the class, the weekend, or the event you are both at. Keep it short. The point is to be remembered as friendly, not to hold a long conversation.

Repeat it next week. By the third time, you are not a stranger anymore.

One off events rarely produce friends. A club, an intramural team, a study group or a volunteer shift that repeats weekly does. You see the same faces, you share a task, and conversation has something to attach to.

Pick something you would enjoy even if you met nobody. That removes the pressure, and men who are enjoying themselves are easier to be near.

Friendship moves forward when somebody makes a specific, low cost invitation:

• "I am grabbing food after the lecture. Want to come?"
• "A few of us are studying for the midterm tomorrow night. Join us?"
• "I am going to the pickup game on Thursday. Come if you want to play."

Keep it casual and easy to decline. If someone says no, say "No worries, another time" and do not make it awkward. People remember how you take a no.

You do not need a special approach for the women on campus. Use the same simple moves: hello, a question about the shared setting, a small invitation. Bring the intention of a friend, not a suitor. That keeps the interaction light and protects you in a small community where people talk.

A street style approach can backfire on a campus. A stranger on a sidewalk forgets a clumsy hello. A classmate may tell friends who see you at the dining hall. Making a friend first avoids the reputation risk and gives interest a chance to appear naturally.

If a friendship becomes something more, you will usually feel it on both sides. Then a specific invitation, such as dinner on Friday, is easy to make.

• Phone out in every gap. It tells people you are not available.
• Waiting to be invited. Most people wait. Go first.
• Only talking to women you like. Everyone can tell, including them.
• Quitting after one cold reply. Some people are busy or shy. Try again another week.
• Staying in your room. The friends you want are not going to knock.

Some men know exactly what to do and still cannot say the first sentence. That is approach anxiety, and it responds to practice rather than to more reading. Doing small, real conversations over and over, with someone beside you giving feedback, is the fastest way to make it ordinary.

A Cold Approach Bootcamp is built for that. It is in person and fully in the field, with live coaching on every approach and feedback after every set. It runs in Miami and New York only. Group is three consecutive days at three students per coach, and Private is one on one for one, two or three days. A total beginner is welcome and approach anxiety is the specialty.