How to Meet Women in College Without Partying

Use the parts of college that repeat every week. Clubs, intramural teams, classes, labs, the library, the gym, campus jobs and the coffee shops around campus put you near the same girls again and again. That familiarity does the work a party does. Add a few relaxed daytime approaches and a group of friends who know other people, and you can have a full social life without drinking or setting foot in a frat house.

Parties look like the center of college dating. They are also loud, crowded and drunk, and the guys there are all chasing the same few girls. Plenty of students skip them, and plenty of girls at them would rather be talking somewhere quiet.

What makes college good for dating is simpler. a dating coach points out that students date more than people out of school because they are leaving the house, "going to parties sometimes but at least going to class and meeting girls bumping into them in their everyday life." The everyday part is what counts, and you can have all of it without a single party.

Weekly groups are the best non-party way to meet girls, because you see the same people often enough to become friends. Look for groups with a good mix of men and women: dance, climbing, club volleyball or ultimate frisbee, theater, volunteering, outdoor trips, language exchanges. a dating coach rates dance classes especially highly for meeting women.

Pick one or two you actually like, show up every week, and help out. The guy who organizes the carpool or the dinner after practice knows everyone within a month.

Classes give you a reason to talk to the same girls twice a week. Start a study group for a hard course and invite a few classmates, men and women. Pair up for labs. Become a regular at one table in the library.

On campus, keep it friendly first. A classmate who finds you too intense can tell her friends, and campuses are small places. Be the easy, helpful guy, and let her interest show before you ask her out.

Many people meet the person they date through friends, and girls take a friend's opinion seriously. A guy a friend vouches for gets a warm reception that a stranger has to earn. So build real friendships with girls without an agenda. Be fun, be curious about them, and treat them as friends.

Those friendships lead to introductions. When a friend sees you on campus and introduces you to her roommate, you start from trust instead of zero. She will also invite you to the dinners and game nights her friends go to.

The quad, the campus cafe and the bookstore are all fine places to say hello to someone new. Keep it light and friendly, because you may see her again next week. A comment about what she is reading or a question about a class works well.

The neighborhoods and coffee shops just off campus are easier still. Fewer people know you there, so a conversation that goes nowhere costs you nothing, and you get practice that makes the on-campus version feel normal.

If parties are not your thing, run your own version of a social night. A game night, a dinner you cook, a movie night, a Saturday morning hike. Invite a mix of friends and ask each of them to bring someone.

You control the volume, the drinks are optional, and as the host you have a reason to talk to everyone in the room. A quiet night you organize can introduce you to more girls than a party where you stand in a corner.

If talking to girls you do not know is the hard part, build that skill away from campus first. A Cold Approach Bootcamp trains it in person and fully in the field in Miami and New York, with daygame and night game mixed to suit each student. You get live coaching on every approach and feedback after every set, and a total beginner is welcome. Group is three consecutive days at three students per coach, and Private is 1-on-1 for one, two or three days.