Open your chat with her, tap the three-dot options menu, tap Disconnect and confirm. Disconnecting deletes the whole chat history for both of you, and it cannot be undone. She will see that you left the chat, and she may turn up in your Discover again later.

The steps

  1. Open the chat with the person you want to leave.
  2. Tap the three-dot options menu.
  3. Tap Disconnect.
  4. Confirm.

The connection ends the moment you confirm. There is no waiting period and no second chance to change your mind.

What disconnecting deletes

Everything you both wrote goes. Feeld removes the chat history for you and for her, not just from your side.

That has one practical consequence. If there is anything in the conversation you want to keep, such as an address, a plan, or something she said that you may need later, save it before you tap Disconnect. Afterward it is gone for both of you and nobody can bring it back.

It also means you should not disconnect in a temper. A chat that annoyed you tonight may look different tomorrow. Since the history cannot be restored, give yourself a night before you end something with a woman you were genuinely keen on.

She will know you left

Disconnecting on Feeld is not invisible. She sees that you left the chat.

For a connection where neither of you ever wrote, that hardly matters. It is two strangers passing. For a conversation that went on for a week, or a woman you have already met, it matters more. Seeing that you left, with no word, is the online version of walking out of a room without saying goodbye.

So match the exit to how far things went. The further along you were, the more a short word before you go is worth.

When to disconnect

a dating coach's attitude to cleaning up is relaxed. If you connect with someone you are not really interested in, he says, just end it. It is not a big deal, and it keeps your list full of people you actually want to talk to.

Good reasons to leave:

  • You connected in a hurry and, on a proper look, you are not interested.
  • She has made it clear she wants something different from you, and neither of you is going to change.
  • The chat has become rude, pushy or uncomfortable.
  • You have met, it did not work, and you both know it.

A quiet chat on its own is not always a reason. People get busy. If a good conversation has simply paused, one light message that picks up where you left off costs you nothing. Leave only when you have decided you do not want to see her.

Say something short first

When you have been talking for a while, one message before you disconnect is the decent way to end it, and it takes ten seconds.

Keep it short, kind and final. "I've enjoyed talking, but I don't think we're after the same thing. Good luck out there." Do not explain at length, do not list what went wrong, and do not apologize for something that is not a wrong. My view is to apologize quickly when you have actually done something wrong, and not to apologize when you have not. Ending a chat that is not working is not a wrong.

Then disconnect. There is no need to wait for her reply.

She may appear in Discover again

Disconnecting does not block anyone. It ends the chat, and Feeld says she may show up in your Discover again.

If you see her, pass with the dash and carry on. If you disconnected by accident, or regret it, that is also your only way back: like her again and hope she likes you back. The old conversation will not return, so you would be starting over from nothing.

Remember this after a date that went badly, too. Disconnecting ends the chat, not the chance of seeing her again in the app. If she turns up later, a quiet pass is all it needs, with no message and no explanation.

Fewer connections you need to end

Most disconnecting is cleanup after liking too freely.

coach believes many apps notice a man who likes nearly everyone and treat him as less selective, which can mean he gets shown to fewer of the women he actually wants. Liking only the women you would genuinely take out does two things. It gives the app a better read on your taste, and it leaves you with far fewer connections you have to end later.

Read what she has written before you tap the heart. If you would not be pleased to hear from her today, pass. The time you would have spent disconnecting goes into the conversations that can turn into a date.