How to Date with No Experience

Treat your first dates as practice, keep each one short and simple, and make the decisions yourself instead of waiting for her to. You do not need experience to take a woman for a coffee, talk, and ask to see her again. You need a plan, a willingness to lead and a tolerance for feeling awkward. The awkwardness fades faster than you expect. Dating apps are a fair way to collect the reps, because matches and messages lead to real first dates without a cold introduction.

It costs you reps, not worth. A man with years of dates behind him has already survived the silences, the bad jokes and the evenings that went nowhere. You have not yet, so each of those feels like a threat.

a dating coach tells the story of his first date, at sixteen, and it is a useful one. The girl had been interested in him and basically invited him out. She did the planning. They went to a video store to choose a movie, and he spent roughly thirty-five minutes agonizing over the perfect one. She grew more irritated, picked something herself and sat at the far end of the couch. His fear of making a wrong move kept him stuck in place and turned a good start into nothing.

The lesson is not "be a smooth operator." It is that indecision looks worse than a bad choice. A mediocre movie picked in thirty seconds would have been fine.

If you are new, the biggest favor you can do yourself is to decide things. Where to go, what time, what to order. Women generally appreciate a man who plans and does not ask "I don't know, what do you want to do?" five times.

Pick a place where you can talk: a quiet cafe or a bar with seats. coach is blunt that movies and comedy shows are poor first dates, because she ends up interacting with the screen or the comedian and not with you. Choose somewhere near where you live so you have options if the evening goes well, and so it is easy to relax.

Choose a time that ends naturally. A coffee or a single drink has a built-in finish, and you can always add more if it is going well.

You are not trying to prove anything. You are trying to find out whether the two of you enjoy talking.

Plan a couple of things you could talk about, so a silence does not panic you. Ask questions and answer them. Tell a short story about something that happened this week. If a silence comes, let it be. A pause of a few seconds is not a disaster, and it feels longer to you than to her.

Do not confess your whole history in the first hour. If she asks, answer honestly and briefly. Most dates are about whether the evening is pleasant, not about your record.

coach spent about six months going on dates before he managed to kiss a girl, and he calls it incredibly frustrating. Then he made a decision: on every date, he would go for the kiss. Even when it was rejected, it improved the interaction, because it showed her what he wanted, and she kept talking to him.

His advice for beginners is practical. Most beginners underestimate how much a woman likes them. If you think the moment might be right, it probably was ten minutes ago. If you are unsure, you can say it out loud, with something light like "I'm curious whether you kiss as well as you talk." Do not expect to be graceful the first time. Expect to learn something.

Kiss only when she is clearly comfortable: she is close, relaxed and leaning in. If she turns away, smile, say "no problem," and move on. A calm response to a no earns more respect than a successful kiss does.

Dating apps are a way to get a steady supply of first dates, which is exactly what you need if you are inexperienced. Treat the first several as practice. You will not be perfect, and you will not like every woman you meet. That is fine. Each one teaches you what to say, what to skip and how a date feels.

Go in with the goal of learning, not winning. A date that goes badly and teaches you something is more valuable than a date you avoided.

You do not have to hide that you are new, and you should not invent a past. Women can tell when a man is faking, and it makes you sound nervous. If it comes up, say something short and calm: "I haven't dated much. I've been focused on other things, and I'm working on it." Said without apology, it comes across as honest, not weak.

Raise the difficulty gradually. A short coffee first, then a longer evening. A casual chat, then a plan. One question, then a story. You do not need to become a different man in a week. You need to do one slightly harder thing each time.

Choose one woman you would like to meet. Invite her to a coffee at a place you pick, on a day you pick, and say why: "I enjoyed talking to you, and I'd like to continue it over coffee Saturday afternoon." Then show up on time, keep it light and ask to see her again. That is a complete first date, and you are now a man with one.