What to Say in Your First Message on Raya

Pick one specific thing from her photos, her song or the few lines she wrote. React to it, take a playful guess at the kind of person she is, and leave her something easy to answer. On Raya the chat only opens once you have both liked each other, so she has already said yes to your face. Your first message just has to show her you actually looked. Keep it short and warm, and ask her out once she is clearly enjoying the conversation.

Mashable describes the flow simply: a check to match, an X to pass, and messaging opens once both people have liked each other. Raya's privacy policy says the same thing from its side. A mutual like is what lets you chat with a member.

The privacy policy also lists the ways conversations can happen: text chat, status posts or video chat. Most men will start in text, but it is worth knowing the video option is there when you get to planning a date.

Raya also sells Direct Requests through its App Store purchases, which let you reach a member before you have matched. More on those below.

The formula is short. One detail, one reaction, one easy question.

Pick something she chose to share. A photo of her on a sailboat, the song on her slideshow, a line she wrote about her job. Then react to it like a person, not an interviewer, and add a small guess about her.

"You picked that song on purpose. I am guessing you are the one who controls the aux on every road trip?"

"That sailing photo looks calm. I have a feeling you are the one who ends up steering whether or not you are supposed to."

A read like that lands because it is about her, it proves you looked, and she can confirm it or push back on it without effort. It is a cold read, one of the oldest tools in texting. Most women enjoy telling you whether your guess was right.

"Hey." "How's your week going?" "You're beautiful." Each one could be sent to any woman on the app, and she knows it. A line that fits everyone gets treated like it was sent to everyone.

Skip anything about her follower count, her job title or who she knows. On an app where people check each other's Instagram, bringing up her status in the first line feels like you are sizing her up.

And skip the long paragraph. A first message that runs to five sentences is asking her to do homework before she has decided whether she likes talking to you.

Raya's terms ban something they call oversharing. That means contacting members in a way that could reasonably make them uncomfortable or annoyed. It also covers contact that is antagonistic or overly promotional. They also ban soliciting members, and they list taking screenshots or sharing content from the app as prohibited.

In practice that gives you three plain rules. Do not send a follow-up every day when she has not answered. Do not pitch your business, your event or your podcast. And never screenshot her photos or your conversation to show your friends. What happens on Raya is meant to stay on Raya.

Raya shows members things they have in common, such as Instagram accounts you both follow. That is an easy opener hiding in plain sight.

If you both follow the same climbing gym, restaurant or band, it gives you a starting point that is specific and low pressure. Use it lightly. "I think we go to the same climbing gym. Are you a bouldering person or a ropes person?" works. Listing every mutual follow you share reads as research.

A Direct Request lets you write to someone before she has liked you. That means your message has to do more work, because she has not already said yes to anything.

If you use one, make it your best opener, not your usual one. Be specific, be brief, and do not follow it up if she does not answer. Save them for the rare woman you would genuinely regret not reaching.

Once she is answering with energy, asking you questions back and making jokes of her own, suggest a plan. Name a day and a place, keep it simple, and swap numbers.

If you would both feel better talking first, Raya's video chat is a low-pressure way to do it. Ten minutes on video tells you more than two weeks of typing, and the first date then feels like a second one.