How Do SuperLikes Work on OkCupid?

A SuperLike tells a woman you are especially interested in her, and it puts you in her SuperLikes Stack. OkCupid says it can multiply your chances of matching with her. Everyone gets one free SuperLike a week, and you can buy more one at a time or in small bundles. You can also attach a note, so she reads your message before she decides whether to Like you back.

An ordinary Like is quiet. She only finds out about it if she Likes you too, or if she pays to see who Liked her.

A SuperLike is loud on purpose. It lands you in her SuperLikes Stack, where she sees you as a man who picked her out. That is where the extra chance of a match comes from: she looks at you on purpose instead of scrolling past you.

Every member gets one free SuperLike each week. That is the whole free allowance.

If you want more, OkCupid sells them singly or in bundles. There is no need to buy any to start. One a week is plenty to learn whether they work for you, and the free one costs you nothing but the choice of who gets it.

When you SuperLike someone, you can add a note. She reads it before she decides about you.

That changes the whole exchange. With an ordinary Like, you are a face and a page. With a SuperLike and a note, you are a face, a page and a first line, all at once. A good note can do more work than the SuperLike itself.

It also means a weak note is costly. "Hey beautiful" attached to a SuperLike reads as a man who got excited and had nothing to say.

a dating coach is not a fan of super likes, and his reason is worth hearing before you spend one.

His concern is the frame. A super like tells her, before you have said a word, that you think she is special. She starts the conversation a little higher on a pedestal. In his experience that can mean a bit more attitude from her and more work for you in the messages that follow. He has also seen clients who super liked heavily get matches but come across as eager in a way that cost them later.

He does see the upside. In another talk he describes what a super like is for. It brings your interest to her attention more than an ordinary like would, and that raises your chances with her.

He is open about the trade. If a super like really does raise your odds by a lot, it may be worth that cost. OkCupid says its version does. So the sensible middle is to use the free one, and to write a note that cancels out the pedestal instead of adding to it.

Spend it on a woman you would genuinely be glad to take out, and whose page gives you something real to say.

Skip the one who is simply the best looking woman you saw today. If you cannot think of a specific line to write to her, a SuperLike will not fix that. It will just make the silence more expensive.

A good rule: if you were only going to send her an ordinary Like and hope, keep the SuperLike for someone else.

Treat the note like a short, playful first message, not a declaration.

• React to one specific thing on her page, like a trip, a strong opinion or an odd answer to a match question.
• Add a little teasing or humor, so it reads as confident rather than smitten.
• Leave her something easy to answer in one line.

Say her page claims she is "fluent in sarcasm". A note like "Fluent, you say. Prove it: your worst first date, one sentence" is short, a little cheeky and easy to answer. It treats her claim as a challenge, not a compliment.

Keep it to a sentence or two. A note that praises her looks, or tells her you "had to" SuperLike her, puts you on your knees before the conversation starts. A note that teases her about her answer puts you level with her, and that is where you want to be.

Only once the free one is clearly working.

My view of every paid extra on the apps is that it multiplies what you already have. If your weekly SuperLike, with a good note, turns into matches and conversations, buying a small bundle to do more of the same can make sense. If it brings back nothing, buying ten more buys ten more silences.

Watch the conversations that come out of SuperLikes, too. If they start well but stall, the pedestal coach describes may be showing up, and your messages need to be lighter and more playful. Either way, the aim is the same as with any match: a few easy messages, a suggestion of a drink, and her number before the chat runs out of steam.