How Do Cupid's Picks Work on OkCupid?

Cupid's Picks are daily personalized matches chosen by OkCupid. They are women it thinks you are especially compatible with, and more likely to match with. They sit in their own Cupid's Picks Stack, and that Stack has no Like or Pass buttons. The only way to connect with a Pick is to SuperLike her, using your free weekly SuperLike or one you have bought.

Every day, OkCupid puts together a short set of women it rates as a strong fit for you. They appear together in their own Stack, the Cupid's Picks Stack.

"Compatible" here is OkCupid's own call. A Pick is the app's best guess at who you would get along with and who is likely to match with you. You do not choose who shows up there. You only choose what to do about her.

This is the part that confuses men. You open the Stack, see someone you like, and there is no Like button.

That is by design. In Cupid's Picks you cannot Like or Pass at all. The one action available is a SuperLike. So a Pick is not something you can collect casually. You either spend a SuperLike on her or you let her go.

1. Open the Cupid's Picks Stack and look through the day's Picks.
2. Read the page of any woman who stands out, all of it, not just the first photo.
3. SuperLike the one you want, with your free weekly SuperLike or a paid one.
4. Attach a note, so she reads a line from you before she decides.

If she Likes you back, you have a match and can talk like any other match.

a dating coach has used OkCupid himself, and one of the things he likes most about it is the statistical matching. In his view, the questions and the numbers behind them do real work in pointing you at women you are likely to click with. He has also found that the women he matched with there tended to be smart.

Cupid's Picks are that matching in its most concentrated form. The app has already done the sorting and handed you the short list. A minute a day looking through it is a cheap way to find the women you are most likely to have something to talk about with.

A high fit on paper does not mean you will want to take her out, or that she will want to go.

Compatibility tells you that your answers and preferences line up. It says nothing about whether you find her attractive, whether her sense of humor lands with you, or whether your photos appeal to her. Those still have to happen the ordinary way.

So use the Picks as a shortlist, not a verdict. Look at her photos, read what she wrote, and ask yourself one question: would I actually be glad to sit across a table from her? If the answer is only "she looks good on paper", keep your SuperLike.

Because a SuperLike is the only way in, and you only get one free each week, the Picks force a choice. That is a good thing. It pushes you to pick the woman you most want, not the one you happened to see first.

coach has mixed feelings about super likes. His worry is that they tell a woman you think she is special before you have said anything, which can put her on a pedestal. The note is how you soften that. Make it light, a little teasing and about one specific thing she wrote. That turns an eager gesture into a confident opening line.

For example, if her page says she will judge you by your pizza order, a note like "Pineapple, and I will defend it on a first date" is short, playful and easy to answer.

Some days, no Pick will be worth it. That is fine. Your free SuperLike is not tied to the Picks, so if nobody in the Stack gives you something to say, hold on to it. Spend it later in the week on a woman you come across in Discover who does. A SuperLike spent on a Pick you felt lukewarm about is a wasted week.

Cupid's Picks are a small daily extra. Most of your matches will still come from ordinary Likes in Discover and from the women who find you there.

Keep doing that part well. Like women you are genuinely interested in. Send short Intros that react to something real on their pages. Move good conversations toward a drink within a handful of messages. The Picks give you one strong shot a week. The rest of your week is where most of your dates will come from.