How Do OkCupid Likes Work?

You Like someone by dragging her picture to the right in Discover, by selecting the heart button on the web, or by selecting Like on her profile. If she has Liked you too, OkCupid tells both of you for free and you can message each other. If she has not, OkCupid makes an effort to show you to her more often so she has a chance to like you back. You also have to Like a woman before you can message her.

In the app, you drag a woman's picture to the right in Discover. On the website, you select the heart button next to her in Discover, or you select Like on her profile page.

Either way, the result is the same. The app records that you are interested.

Two things can follow.

If she has already Liked you, you have a mutual Like. OkCupid lets both of you know, for free. After that you can send each other messages.

If she has not Liked you, nothing is announced to her. What OkCupid says it does is make an effort to show you to her more often around the app, so that she has a chance to see you and Like you back. That is a nudge, not a promise. She may see you and pass.

You can see the list of everyone you have Liked on your Interest tab. Premium members can also see everyone who has Liked them.

That second part is the paid feature men ask about most. On a free account you can still see mutual Likes, since OkCupid announces those for free. What you cannot do without paying is view the full list of women who liked you before you Liked them.

This is the rule that shapes how you use the app. OkCupid requires you to Like someone before you can message her, because it wants conversations to be between people who are interested in each other.

So a Like is your ticket to write. If you Like a woman and she has not Liked you, you can send one introductory message, an Intro, so she sees your full profile and your Intro together. Think of the Like and the Intro as a pair. The Like says you are interested, and the Intro gives her a reason to answer.

A pass is the opposite signal. Passing on someone removes her from your Who You Like list and means you would prefer not to see her come up right now.

It is not a block, and the woman is not told. You can also bring passed members back if you change your mind, using the reset option in your privacy settings.

OkCupid says free accounts have a daily limit on how many profiles they can Like, while a paid plan removes the limit. The exact number can change, so check the screen on the day you hit it.

That limit is an annoyance, and it is also a reason to spend your Likes on purpose.

a dating coach's warning applies on every app: liking nearly everyone tends to make an app treat you as less attractive, and liking fewer women, chosen with care, improves your results. It matches how a man experiences it. A man who likes everyone gets a pile of low-effort conversations and a lot of silence.

So read the page before you Like. OkCupid is a longer-form app, and the women who fill in their written section and answer match questions have given you something to say. Like those women, and skip the ones who give you nothing.

When you Like, plan the first message. Mention one specific thing from her page and ask a question she can answer in a sentence. A Like with no message behind it is a coin toss, and a Like with a good Intro is a conversation starter.

Over two weeks, count how many women you Liked, how many Liked you back, how many conversations lasted and how many turned into a plan. If Likes go out and nothing comes back, work on your photos and your written section, since those are what a woman sees first. If mutual Likes come but conversations die, fix your first line.

Treat a Like as a small, cheap signal and a conversation as the real prize. The man who turns mutual Likes into drinks is the one for whom the app works.