Book Excerpts: Short and Sweet Tips for Your PUA Openers

The best openers often come from the place you're standing in. You see a woman looking at a menu, holding a drink, or talking with a friend. Use one clear detail.

You might say:

“You’ve been staring at that menu for five minutes. Is the food hard to choose, or are you waiting for someone to pick for you?”

She can answer in one sentence. She can joke back. She can tell you what she plans to order. You have given her something to work with.

You can also say:

“That drink looks dangerous. Does it taste good, or did you order it because the glass looks nice?”

This works better than a line about her beauty because it gives her a real topic. You also sound like a man who noticed what she was doing, not a man who walked over with one saved line.

Keep the first line short. One sentence is enough. Then stop talking.

You don't need a clever excuse to speak to a woman. If you see her at a coffee shop, bar, book store, or social event, you can be direct.

Try:

“You look interesting, so I wanted to meet you. I’m Mark.”

Then hold eye contact and wait.

She may tell you her name. She may ask what you mean by “interesting.” She may smile and say hello. Each answer gives you a place to continue.

If she asks, “Why do you think I’m interesting?” don't give her a long speech. Say what you noticed.

“You’re sitting here alone with a book, but you keep looking up at everyone who walks in. You seem curious about people.”

That gives her a picture of what you saw. It also gives her room to agree or correct you.

Do not pile on praise after the opener. Avoid lines like, “You’re so beautiful, and I had to come over, and I hope I’m not bothering you.” That makes the moment heavy. Speak clearly, smile, and let her respond.

A weak question gives you one word.

“Do you come here often?”

She can say yes. Then you have to drag the talk forward.

A better question asks about a choice, a view, or a small story.

“What’s one thing here that you’d tell a friend to try?”

Or:

“You’ve got a book in your hand. Is it worth reading, or are you trying to look busy?”

These questions give her more room. They also help you learn how she talks. If she laughs and plays along, keep the same light tone. If she gives a short answer and looks away, don't keep firing questions at her.

You can answer your own question too.

“I’m trying to find something good to eat. The menu has too many choices, so I need help.”

Now the exchange feels like a talk between two people. It does not feel like an interview.

After she answers, share a small detail about yourself. If she says she likes spicy food, say:

“I like spicy food too, but I always order more than I can finish.”

Then ask one related question.

“What’s the hottest thing you’ve eaten?”

The point is not to ask question after question. The point is to trade small pieces of information.

Playful openers can work when they fit the moment. The joke should be easy to understand and easy for her to answer.

If she has three shopping bags, you could say:

“You look like you came in for one thing and left with ten. How close am I?”

If she is studying a wall of concert posters, you could say:

“You’re taking this choice very seriously. Which poster gets your vote?”

These lines are light because they focus on something in front of both of you. They don't put her down. They don't ask her to defend her looks, clothes, or value.

Avoid jokes that make her prove she is fun. Don't say:

“You look too serious. Can you smile?”

That puts pressure on her and gives you no useful subject. You also sound like a man who wants her to perform for him.

When she gives you a hard time, don't rush to defend yourself. If she says, “You use that line on every woman,” smile and answer:

“Only women who stand near menus for five minutes.”

Then move into a normal question:

“What were you trying to choose?”

You stayed calm, answered her, and brought the talk back to the real moment.

Your opener is not the whole interaction. It only starts the first few seconds.

Look for a response that gives you something back. She may face you, smile, ask you a question, or add detail to her answer. When you see that, stay with the subject for a bit.

If she says, “I’m waiting for my friend,” you can say:

“Good, then I have one minute to find out if you’re worth meeting.”

Say it with a smile, then give her your name. If she keeps looking toward the door or gives short replies, end the talk without making it strange.

“Enjoy your night.”

Then leave.

A man who can start a conversation and also leave with ease comes across as steady. He does not need to force five more minutes from a woman who has stopped taking part.

The strongest opener is simple enough to say, tied to something you can see, and followed by silence. The words matter. Your calm matters more.