Approaching Women at Whole Foods

Approaching women at Whole Foods works well as long as you look like a man buying groceries, not a man patrolling the aisles. Carry a basket, make a light comment about what she is looking at, and steer the talk toward her within the first minute. Keep it to one or two approaches per visit, so the staff know you as a customer and nothing else.

Whole Foods draws a health-minded crowd, and plenty of the women shopping there are fit, put together and in no great hurry. People read labels, compare two olive oils and stand at the salad bar deciding. A woman who is browsing has a spare minute, and a spare minute is all an opener needs.

The bigger advantage is that you belong there. A coach in a dating coach's weekly Q&A pointed out that at Whole Foods you are plausibly shopping too, so walking up to someone feels less strange than it would in a place you have no reason to be. That makes it a forgiving room for a man who still gets nervous.

In a big city there are usually several stores within reach. In one of his Q&A sessions, a dating coach calls the Whole Foods locations around New York decent daygame spots, and an indoor store stays useful when the weather turns cold.

Grab a basket and put something in it. My advice for grocery stores is to carry an item, or to actually do some of your shopping between conversations. A man holding groceries looks like a neighbor. A man with empty hands, circling the same aisles, looks like he has an agenda.

The basket also gives your hands a job. You can stop at the same shelf as her without it looking planned, and you can walk away afterward without it looking like a retreat.

Some spots work far better than others.

• Produce and the prepared food counters. People slow down here, look around, and there is always something to comment on.
• The seating area by the hot bar. A woman eating lunch alone is a seated set. She is not going anywhere, so you can talk at an easy pace and even sit down.
• The coffee or juice counter. Everyone waits a few minutes, and people who are waiting are easy to talk to.
• A narrow aisle with a cart in the way. Skip it. If she has to stop her cart to hear you, she feels cornered before you have said a word.

Come in from the side or the front, where she can see you. A voice from behind her shoulder makes anyone jump.

When a student asked coach how to open at Whole Foods without seeming aggressive, his answer was direct: "Grocery store game should probably not be super direct." Start with a comment on the situation, then make it personal once she is talking.

The comment can be about the thing in her hand, the shelf she is standing at, or what she is wearing. "Is that hot sauce actually good, or is the label doing all the work?" is plenty. When she answers, give her a real reaction and add something about yourself. Then introduce yourself by name, which is the first small step from two strangers to a man talking with a woman he likes.

From there you can be open about why you came over. "I'll be honest, I walked over because you're cute" lands well after a minute of easy talk. The same line as your very first sentence, in the cereal aisle, puts a lot of weight on a woman who came in for milk.

coach also warns against leaning on a stock teasing line in shops. A playful jab at what she is buying can be fun, but the delivery decides whether it sounds like a joke or an insult. Use your own comment on the moment instead.

An aisle is a place people pass through. Two or three minutes there is a good conversation. Ten minutes means she is holding up her shopping to be polite.

If it is going well, ask for her number while the mood is good, or suggest sitting down with a coffee at the cafe counter. If she gives short answers and keeps glancing at her list, wish her a good afternoon and go to a different part of the store. Do not drift after her into the next aisle.

coach gives a warning about big single stores like Macy's: everyone there answers to one management, and you do not want a reputation in the building. The same goes for a grocery store where the cashiers see you twice a week. If Whole Foods is your regular store, approach there now and then, not on every visit.

If you live in a city with several locations, rotate. Do your real weekly shop at one and visit the others for the occasional conversation.

Most men find the hard part is the five seconds before they walk over, and that is the part a coach can see and fix. The Cold Approach Bootcamp takes place in person, out in the field, with live approaches in daygame settings like streets and cafes and in night game settings like bars and lounges. Your coach is with you live on every approach and gives feedback after every set.

You can take it in Miami or New York. Group runs over three days in a row, with three students sharing each coach. Private is you and your coach alone for one, two or three days, and longer programs are quoted on request. Each training day is two four-hour blocks in the field, there is no skill floor, and every student leaves with a short written practice plan.