Plenty of Fish names three common reasons a message will not send. You and she have not matched with each other, your membership does not let you send a first message to someone new, or there is no photo on your account. Replies inside a conversation that already exists are unlimited, so matching with her in Meet Me is the way to keep talking without upgrading.

The three reasons POF gives

Each of the three has a different answer, so work out which one you are dealing with before you try again.

The quickest check is to ask where the message was going. Was it going to a woman you have never matched with? Or was it a reply in a conversation the two of you had already started?

If it was a reply, the membership limit is not the cause, because POF does not cap replies in an existing conversation. Look at the photo first. If it was a message to someone new, any of the three could be behind it, so go through them in order.

Reason one: the two of you have not matched

A mutual match means you each liked the other in Meet Me. Until that happens, anything you send her counts as a first message to someone new, and that kind of message is limited.

The free way around this is patience. Like her in Meet Me and get on with your day. If she likes you back, the conversation opens, and from then on you can write as much as you want without paying anything.

This is also the most useful thing POF tells you about why messages fail. The women who have not matched with you are the ones the app makes you work for. The women who have matched with you are already open to a conversation.

Reason two: you have used your first messages to new people

Writing to a woman you have not matched with uses a First Contact, and depending on your membership there is a limit on how many you can send in a day. Once you reach it, POF stops the message.

You have two ways to keep going. You can buy more First Contacts one at a time, or you can move to POF Prestige, which gives you as many as you want.

Before you spend anything, look at what the free ones are earning you. Treat every paid feature on the apps as a multiplier. If your first messages already get some answers, more of them will get you more answers, and paying can be worth it. If they get none, more of them just gets you more silence, and the money is better spent on your photos.

Reason three: there is no photo on your account

POF will not send messages from an account with no picture on it. Add a photo and the block goes away.

Choose that photo with some care, because it now does two jobs. It decides whether women like you in Meet Me, and it sits right next to every message you send. A woman judges you by your weakest photo, so lead with one where your face is clear, the light is good, and nobody else is in the frame. Leave out anything you would describe as just okay.

Why mutual matches keep you talking for free

Once you are matched, POF does not count your replies. That makes matching the one route to as many conversations as you like without an upgrade.

So spend most of your effort there. Like women in Meet Me whose pages give you something to talk about, and when one likes you back, write to her that day while she is still around. A match you answer quickly starts warm. A match you answer three days later has been talking to other men in the meantime.

Keep First Contacts for the few women you really want to reach first. That way the daily limit stops mattering much, because most of your conversations never touch it.

When the message sends and she does not answer

Sometimes the message goes through and nothing comes back. No setting changes that, and on POF you cannot follow up a first message she has not answered. She has to reply or like you back before you can write again.

That makes the first message worth writing well. Keep it short, pick up one real detail from her page, and end on something she can answer in a line. The usual texting rule applies here too. Send it when she can actually respond, like an evening. A message sent in the middle of the night lands under everything else on her phone by morning.

Then let it go and write to the next woman. A message that sends and gets no reply is a normal part of the apps, and the men who do well are the ones who keep writing good messages rather than worrying about any single one.