Most of the time, Match turned it down because it cannot work as your Primary photo. A Primary photo needs a clear, unobstructed view of your face with no other people in it. A photo without a good view of your face can only be approved as a Secondary photo. Match also rejects photos outright for nudity or see-through clothing, drawings, or copyrighted images. The same goes for identifying details like license plates, illegal acts or violence, and photos of minors on their own.

What a Primary photo has to show

Your Primary photo is the lead, and Match holds it to two rules. Your face has to be clearly visible with nothing in the way. And nobody else can be in the shot.

Both rules catch photos men assume are fine. Sunglasses, a cap pulled low, a hand on your chin, a glass raised in front of your mouth: anything covering part of your face works against "unobstructed." So does a shot taken from so far away that your face is a few blurry pixels.

The second rule catches the group photo. The wedding shot with three groomsmen. A friend's arm across your shoulder. The ex you cropped out whose hair is still showing at the edge. If another person is in the frame, it cannot be your Primary photo.

The content rules behind an outright rejection

Some photos are refused whatever slot you put them in. Match lists these:

  • Nudity or see-through clothing
  • Drawings
  • Copyrighted images
  • Identifying details, such as a license plate
  • Illegal acts or violence
  • Minors on their own

A few of these trip men up without them noticing. The photo of you leaning on your car is the classic one, because the plate is readable and you never looked at it. Crop it or pick another shot. A cartoon avatar or a sketch a friend drew counts as a drawing. A photo you saved from somebody else's page or from a website may be copyrighted, even if you are in it.

The rule on minors covers a photo that shows only a child, like your nephew blowing out his candles. Leave photos with children out even where they would pass. A woman who does not know you has no way to tell whose child it is, and your page gives her a question it never answers.

Secondary photos have a lower bar

A photo without a good view of your face is not wasted. Match can still approve it as a Secondary photo.

That is where the far-off hiking shot belongs, along with the photo of you from behind at a concert and the one where you are mid-laugh and turned away. These do a different job from the lead. They show her what your weeks look like.

a dating coach's rule for profiles is that every single thing on them should convey something specific about you. A Secondary slot is where a photo can do that even when it does not show your face well. It still has to earn its place. A blurry shot of a sunset with you somewhere in it tells her nothing.

Choosing a lead photo that passes

The quickest fix is to pick a lead that meets the rule on the first try. Look for one where:

  • You are the only person in it.
  • Your whole face is visible, with no sunglasses and no hat brim casting a shadow.
  • It was taken in the last year or so and looks like you now.
  • It was taken in daylight, from about the chest up.
  • You are looking roughly at the camera.

If nothing on your phone fits, ask a friend to take a few in daylight outside. Ten minutes on a walk will usually produce one that passes and several good Secondary shots besides.

Approval is the minimum

An approved photo is a photo Match allows. It is not a photo that makes a woman stop.

My most common note on men's profiles is that they are not bad, just boring. A man in normal clothes standing in a normal room, in a shot that looks like every other man she has seen that day. That photo passes every rule on the list and still gets passed over.

He makes the same point about group shots. A photo can look great and still fail because she cannot tell which person is you. That is exactly what Match's rule is protecting against. The rule and her instinct agree: she wants to see you, clearly, in a setting that says something about your life.

So aim past approval. Put yourself somewhere with a bit of interest: a market, a dinner table with friends just out of frame, a trail, a place you actually go. Wear something that fits. Look like you are enjoying yourself.

The rest of your profile after the photo

Once the lead is sorted, the words have to hold her attention.

My warning about bios is that most men write the same lines. "Gentleman, knows how to treat a lady" is on a huge share of profiles, so a woman reads it as one more of the same and moves on. Flat facts do no better. Saying your one meal for life would be tacos tells her nothing about what a date with you would feel like.

Give her something specific and a reason behind it. Instead of "I love to travel," write where you went last and what surprised you there. Instead of a list of hobbies, describe what a good Saturday looks like for you.

Your photos show her who you are, and your words give her something to reply to. Get both right and the photo that was rejected will be the least of what she notices.