Why Does OkCupid Keep Logging Me Out?

OkCupid's sign-in troubleshooting page names a few causes. Problems can happen when many different people sign in to their accounts from a single machine, and clearing the browser cache or reinstalling the app may fix it. Facebook login no longer works on the iOS app. And a password that suddenly stops working can mean someone else got into the account. Work through those in order before you assume the app is broken.

If you share a computer, a work laptop or a tablet with other people who also sign in to OkCupid, the app can get confused about whose session it is. OkCupid's help page says problems can happen when many different people sign in to their accounts from a single machine.

The fix it gives is plain. Clear the browser cache, or reinstall the app. Do the cache first, because it is the quicker of the two and costs you nothing. If you reinstall, make sure you know your password and the email address on the account before you delete anything.

If you always signed in with Facebook on an iPhone, that route no longer works on the iOS app. OkCupid recommends three alternatives. Use Android, mobile web or desktop. Or send yourself a password reset link, then add a new password and a phone number for future logins.

The reset is the one most men should pick. It does not depend on Facebook at all, and a phone number on the account means you can sign in by SMS if the password gives trouble again.

Pay attention to this one. OkCupid's help page on account takeovers lists a password that no longer works as one sign that someone else may have accessed the account.

The response is simple. Reset your password, and add a phone number for login by SMS. Do it even if you suspect it is only a glitch. It takes two minutes, and it protects an account that holds your conversations.

Sometimes the problem is not logging in at all. OkCupid says an account that has been inactive for two years is deleted. An error showing a terms of service violation or a suspension means the account was banned and deleted.

In those cases no amount of cache clearing helps, because there is nothing left to sign in to. If you have not opened the app in a couple of years, the first thing to do is accept that the account may be gone.

Before you decide the app is logging you out on its own, check that you did not do it yourself. A stray tap is easier than it sounds.

• On desktop, it is the profile icon, then settings, then Sign out.
• In the app, it is the profile icon, then settings, then Sign out.

If you know where that button is, you can tell a deliberate sign-out from a session that ended on its own.

A repeated sign-out makes men impatient, and impatience leads to poor decisions.

• Do not give your password, your card number or any payment to anyone offering to restore your account.
• Do not open extra accounts to test which one works. A phone number can be verified on only one account at a time, so extra accounts create new problems.
• Do not trust a phone number you found online that claims to be OkCupid support.

A day or two of fighting with a login screen has a cost you cannot see. Any woman who wrote to you while you were out has been waiting, and she has probably talked to other men since.

When you get back in, answer the conversations that matter first, and keep the reply light. Skip the long explanation about technical trouble. A short line is more attractive than a paragraph of apology, and it keeps her interest where it was.

a dating coach's aim for a conversation that is going well is to move from the first message to her number in four to seven exchanges. A lost day makes that harder, so the sooner you reply, the better.

Once you are in, move the conversations you care about onto a number as soon as the exchange has some warmth. It is not a trick. It is the normal next step with a woman who is clearly interested, and it means a bad login never costs you a woman you were already talking to.