On the dating apps you already know, Hinge, Bumble and Tinder, which are open to every adult age, plus one site where you can search and write to women yourself instead of waiting to be shown. For a man over 40, where you sign up matters less than two problems: a woman's age filter that can hide you, and photos that are older than you are. a dating coach lived in New York and calls it the best city for online dating he knows, so the pool is not the problem.

Start with the apps open to every age

Hinge, Bumble and Tinder do not shut out a man because he is past 40. Each has a different feel. Hinge asks for prompt answers, Bumble sends you into one opening message after a match, and Tinder is a place to meet people that runs on swiping.

Pick two and run them side by side for a few weeks with the same photos. In a city this size you can afford to find out which one gives you real conversations on your own side of town.

The age filter is the problem most men miss

Women on swipe apps choose an age range. My example is a woman who sets her upper limit at 29. A man of 44 never appears in her feed, even though the two of them might have liked each other if the app had put them side by side.

You cannot change her setting. What you can do is make sure the women whose range includes you see a page worth stopping on. Your photos and your lines have to do all the work, because the filter has already cut your audience.

Add a site where you can reach her yourself

coach points out that on a site like Match you can search and write to women without an algorithm choosing who sees you. For a man over 40 that is a real advantage, because you are not waiting for a filter to be kind.

A site also fits the way many men over 40 actually date. You know what you want, and a site that asks you to say it suits that. Test one next to the apps, and judge it by how many women answer in two weeks, not by how good the homepage looks.

Photos are the first thing to fix

The most common problem for a man over 40 is a lead photo from ten years ago. If she meets a man who does not look like the picture, the date is damaged before it starts.

Use a clear, recent photo of your face, alone, in daylight, as the first one. Dress for the man you are now, in clothes that fit and suit a worldly, successful man, not a copy of what a twenty-five-year-old wears. Add photos from real days: a place in New York you go, friends, something you do. coach also says to get in shape, because looking younger than your age beats looking older than it.

Say what you want in plain words

Most men past 40 know what they are after, and on an app that is a strength. Write two or three plain lines about it, with one detail she could ask about.

coach describes two kinds of older man: the worldly, successful, interesting one and the one who has simply gotten older. Your lines decide which she thinks you are. A specific line about something you do beats a list of labels every time.

Use the apps as a supplement

coach calls an online profile a passive supplement. It takes little time to set up, and it keeps working in the background. He says it should not be your only plan.

After 40 the reason dating feels harder is that you stopped bumping into single women by accident. Go out where they already are, join a club or a league, and bring single friends along. Let the apps fill the evenings you would otherwise spend at home.

Run a clean test

Choose two apps and one site. Give them the same photos and lines, use them for two weeks, and count the women you liked, the ones who answered, and the plans that came out of it. Keep whatever produces dates. Drop the rest and put the time into your photos.