What Is Secret Admirer on Tinder?

Secret Admirer is a Tinder feature that lets you choose from a few hidden cards, each one belonging to someone who has already Liked you. You pick one, Tinder reveals who she is, and if you Like her back it is an instant match. It shows you one of those women, not the whole list. For full access to everyone who has Liked you, Tinder points to the Likes You feature in Tinder Gold or Tinder Platinum.

Secret Admirer puts a small set of face-down cards in front of you. Every one of them belongs to a woman who has already Liked you. You choose one, and Tinder turns it over.

From there it works like any other card, with one difference. You already know she said yes. If you Like her back, the match happens at once, because her half of it was done before you ever saw her.

Tinder shows you only the card you picked. The others stay hidden, so you cannot compare them or choose the one you like best. You get one woman, and you decide about her on her own merits.

There is no skill in choosing which hidden card to turn over. You cannot see anything, so do not spend time on it.

The skill is in what you do once you see her. It is tempting to Like her back simply because she Liked you. That is the one habit worth avoiding here, because it hands your standards to whoever happened to be behind the card.

Knowing someone already said yes changes how you look at her. Women you would have passed on in a second suddenly seem worth a closer look, just because you already know the answer is yes. Notice that pull, and decide on her the way you would if the card had come up normally in your stack.

Ask the same question you would ask of any card. Would I be glad to match with her, and do I have something to say to her?

If yes, Like her back and enjoy the easy match. If no, pass. A match with a woman you feel lukewarm about is not a free win. It is one more conversation you will half answer, sitting next to the ones you actually care about. Knowing she Liked you first is flattering, but it is not a reason on its own.

An instant match is the warmest start the app offers. She has already decided she likes what she saw. Do not waste that by leaving the chat empty for three days.

Write something about her that same day. Pick one detail from her photos or from what she wrote and answer it with a bit of personality. Keep it to a line or two. Something like "Your third photo has a very serious-looking cat. Is he always in charge?" gives her an easy, playful thing to answer.

You do not need to mention that you found her through Secret Admirer, and you should not thank her for liking you. Thanking her puts you a step below her before the conversation has started. Just talk to her like a man who is glad the match happened, and who expected it might.

Every card in it belongs to a woman who Liked you. So the feature is also a small, honest sample of who your page attracts.

If the women behind the cards are usually women you would happily date, your photos and words are reaching the right people. If they are rarely your type, take that seriously. What you show decides who swipes right on you. A man whose photos are all late nights out tends to draw a different woman from a man whose photos show a weekend hike and a dinner with friends.

So ask what kind of woman you want to hear from, and whether your page shows a life she would want to be part of. If you want women who love the outdoors, one photo from a real trail says more than a line about loving adventure. Change one thing at a time, then watch whether the women behind the cards start to look different.

Secret Admirer gives you one woman from a small set. Likes You, which Tinder offers in Gold and Platinum, gives you full access to everyone who has Liked you.

If you find yourself looking forward to Secret Admirer and wishing it showed you more, that is the real case for Gold. a dating coach's advice on paid features is that the ones worth money give you control over who you match with, so you are not waiting on whoever the app puts in front of you next. Try a month, count what changes, and keep it only if the number of good matches goes up.