That’s the real advantage here: each opener is a format. You can swap in different words based on her profile and keep generating fresh openers without starting from zero.
Here we go:
“You look too X to be Y.”
This one works because it sets up a playful clash with something in her photos. Pick a trait that looks true and pair it with something unexpected.
Example: “You look too put-together to own a Lab that wrecks the house.”
“I hope you’re as X as you appear in your photos.”
A direct compliment with a light challenge built in. It tells her what you noticed and makes her want to prove it’s true.
Example: “I hope you’re as bold as you look in that hiking photo.”
“You seem X… I hope :)”
This turns a read on her into a hope instead of a flat statement. The “I hope” makes it playful rather than presumptuous.
Example: “You seem like trouble… I hope :)”
“X or Y?”
An easy this-or-that question gives her a quick way to reply. Base it on her profile so it still feels like it is about her.
Example: “Beach trip or mountain trip, which one was real?”
“[Location]?” (for Social Media)
One word, guessing where a photo was taken. It’s low pressure. It tends to get a story back, not one word.
Example: “Santorini?”
“Why do I feel like…?”
A playful guess about who she is. It works because it sounds like you already have a take on her. That is more fun than a neutral question.
Example: “Why do I feel like you plan the whole trip and everyone else just shows up?”
“I was digging your X until Y”
Push-pull in one line: a real compliment, then a light, playful complaint. The contrast is what makes it fun instead of flat.
Example: “I liked your profile right up to the Yankees fan part. We might have a problem.”
“My type”
Short and confident. Say she’s your type, then add one playful reason so it does not read as generic.
Example: “My type. Cute and unbothered. A dangerous mix.”
“You seem X…”
An open-ended read of her vibe, left hanging on purpose. She has to reply to fill in the rest.
Example: “You seem like the type who has strong takes on pineapple on pizza…”
“I feel like [Pull]… but [Push]”
The classic push-pull format. Give her something flattering, then take a little of it back with a tease.
Example: “I feel like we’d get along really well. But you also look like the type to ditch me for your friends halfway through the night.”
A Challenge (based on profile)
Skip the line. Pull one specific thing from her profile and call her on it. This works best because it proves you actually read what she wrote.
Example: if she says she “can beat anyone at trivia,” respond with, “Bold claim. Ready to lose to me on a real date?”
Next Guide:
Texting Examples Texting examples that follow the Open - Emotional Relevance - Connection - Progress model.
Written by Matthew Stevens, Co-Founder & Head Coach. More than half a decade coaching men across the US and worldwide.
Everything here comes out of real coaching work: the approaches, dates, texts and profiles we go through with the men we coach.