Should You Message Your Tinder Matches Right Away?

Yes. Message a new match within a few hours, or the same day, with one specific line about something she wrote or showed. Waiting a few days so you do not look eager does not make you look interesting. It lets her forget why she liked you, and it gives another man the first message.

The idea of the "wait a few days" move comes from a time when a man needed to avoid looking desperate. On an app it works against you.

A woman on Tinder has usually matched with several men that day. She liked your picture at a moment when she was in the mood to date. Every day that passes weakens that moment. By the time your message arrives, she may not remember you, or she may have already started a conversation with someone who wrote sooner.

a dating coach makes a related point about apps. A woman on Tinder has already decided she wants to go on dates, so the man who gets to a plan first usually gets the date. Speed in the first message is part of that.

Quick does not mean sending "hey" the second you match. A fast message that says nothing is worse than a message that arrives a few hours later with something in it.

Read her page for thirty seconds. Pick one detail: a trip, a dog, a joke she made, something odd in a photo. Write one or two lines that react to it and ask her something she can answer easily. That takes two minutes and beats ten generic openers.

For example, if she lists a bad habit, guess at it and tease her about it. If a photo shows her at a market, ask which stall was worth the trip. The point is that it could only have been written to her.

Think in hours and not minutes. If you match during a lunch break and reply that evening, that is right away. If you match on a Monday and write on Tuesday, you are still fine. If you match on a Monday and write on Saturday, you are in the zone where she may have lost interest.

There is no magic number. The practical rule is to write the same day or the next, while it is still fresh for both of you.

If you match and are not able to send something good right now, do not send something bad. Put the match aside, and come back to it within a day with a proper opener. A late good message does better than a fast empty one.

Reply promptly, and in a way that matches what she wrote. A woman who messages first is showing interest, and she is waiting to see whether you are worth the effort. Answer her question, add something of your own, and move the conversation toward a plan.

Do not hold back for a few hours to seem busy. The only person who sees the delay is her, and it reads as low interest.

Sometimes you have many matches and not much time. Pick the ones you are most keen on and message those first, and let the rest wait until the next free evening. It is better to write fewer, better messages than to send the same line to ten women.

If a match has gone a week or more, a short, specific message can still work. Do not apologize for the delay. Say something about her page and carry on as if no time passed.

Some men wait to see whether the woman will write first. A lot of them wait a long time. Many women expect the man to open, and the conversation does not start unless you do. If you want the date, send the first line.

The first message earns a reply, and the next few earn the date. My own exchanges run about four to seven messages between the first line and her number, with a plan in the middle. Keep your lines short and warm, answer what she says, and add something about yourself. When a good moment arrives, suggest a day and a place.

Write soon, with something specific, while she still remembers why she swiped. A quick message with real content beats a delayed message that tries to look cool, and it beats a fast "hey."