How to Unmatch Someone on Hily and Whether You Can Undo It

Open Chats, then swipe left on the chat on an iPhone, or press and hold it on Android, and tap Unmatch. If you never chatted, open her page and tap Unmatch at the bottom instead. It cannot be undone. The chat and the likes are deleted for good, and the only way back is to come across each other again in Finder and both like each other from scratch.

1. Open Chats.
2. On an iPhone, swipe left on the chat. On Android, press and hold it.
3. Tap Unmatch.

The swipe or the long press only brings up the option. The tap is what does it. That small gap is your chance to stop if you picked the wrong chat.

Sometimes you match, never say a word, and later decide against it. In that case there is no chat to swipe on.

1. Open the match's page.
2. Scroll to the bottom.
3. Tap Unmatch.

When you unmatch, Hily deletes the chat and the likes between you for good. There is no archive to restore and no button to bring her back.

Hily's own answer for an accidental unmatch is that the only route back is chance. You would both have to come across each other again in Finder and like each other fresh, as if you had never met.

First, check whether you already have another way to reach her. If you swapped numbers or followed each other elsewhere before the slip, just text her. Tell her you fat-fingered the app. It is a light, slightly funny story, and it gives you an easy reason to suggest the plan you were building towards.

If you had no other contact, there is not much to do. Keep using Hily as normal. If she turns up in Finder again, like her. If she likes you back, open with a joke about it, such as "I think the app split us up. I would like to appeal."

The better lesson is to get contact details earlier. a dating coach's sequence is to agree loosely on doing something, like grabbing a drink sometime, then offer your number and ask for hers. Once you have it, an accidental unmatch costs you nothing.

coach is refreshingly relaxed about this. Some men complain about the quality of women online, and his advice to them is simple. Do not swipe on women you are not interested in. If one matches you anyway, unmatch. In his words, it is not a big deal.

Good reasons to unmatch include:

• You matched on impulse and, looking again, you are not interested.
• The chat has turned rude or uncomfortable.
• She has not replied in a long time and you want your chats to show only live conversations.
• You met someone and are taking a step back.

Unmatching keeps your chats tidy, and that matters more than it sounds. My approach is to message in one or two set sessions a day rather than all day long. That works far better when your chats hold women you are actually talking to, not a graveyard of dead openers.

Before you unmatch a woman who simply went quiet, consider one more try.

A chat that stalls is not always a no. She may have been busy, or your last line gave her nothing to answer. So send one light, playful message that is easy to reply to, and leave it a while. If she comes back, pick up where you were. If she does not, unmatch without a second thought.

What you should avoid is sending a string of messages to a woman who is not answering. One follow-up shows you are relaxed. Four look needy, and they will not change her mind.

The best protection against unmatch regret is a chat that turns into a plan quickly.

My view is that she is on the app because she is single and wants to go on dates, and that she liked you at least a little. So do not spend weeks on small talk. Open with something about her, get some banter going, and once she is clearly enjoying it, suggest a plan and swap numbers. A woman you are texting directly is not one tap away from disappearing.