How to Meet Women on Snapchat

Snapchat is a good place to keep a conversation going and a poor place to find a stranger. The men who meet girls there are almost always starting from something real: a friend in common, a party, a class, a conversation in person where she offered her username. They send a short message about something specific and move toward a plan within a handful of exchanges. Cold-adding a girl you have never met and opening with "hey" is the version that gets ignored.

A username with no context is a stranger knocking. She sees a name she does not recognize and has no reason to answer.

Give her one before you add anyone.

• A friend in common. "Our friend who runs the climbing group said I should say hi, he swears you make the best playlists." Naming the friend does the introduction for you.
• A place you both were. If you spoke at a gym, a class or a party, say where: "Nice meeting you at that party on Saturday."
• A story she posted. Reply to the actual thing in it, not with a fire emoji. "Is that trail the one past the reservoir? I've been meaning to go."

If you have none of those, put your effort into meeting women in person first. Snapchat will not do the introducing for you.

a dating coach's first rule of texting is practical, and it holds here. If she sees only a name she cannot place, you look like a stranger. Next to a name she remembers, your message is a pleasant surprise.

When you meet a girl in person and swap contacts, send something right away that says who you are, while she still remembers the moment. a dating coach suggests having her add you on her own phone, or sending your name and a short reference to the night straight away, so she can find you later. Keep any joke light. He says a bare name beats a forced callback.

Keep each message short. a dating coach's advice for texting applies directly: one or two ideas per message, never a wall of text. A block of messages from you with nothing back looks needy and a little scary.

Good openers are specific and easy to answer in a line.

• "Okay, I need the name of that coffee place you mentioned."
• "Your dog looks like he runs the house. Is he in charge?"
• "Settle a debate for me: pineapple on pizza, yes or no?"

Skip "hey," "what's up," and "how's your day." They ask her to invent a topic. A question with a little humor gives her something to say.

If she answers, answer back in a similar length. If she replies with one word and nothing more, send one more light message at most, and then leave it.

Snapchat chat is for warming her up, not for becoming pen pals. a dating coach is blunt that the point of texting is to reach a call or a date, and that long chat wears the interest out.

His method is a short sequence. Start with a light qualifier, then a vague suggestion, and then the close. In practice:

1. "Are you more of a coffee person or a drink person?"
2. She answers, you banter, then: "Good, I need someone to try the new place by the river."
3. She is warm, so you pin it down: "How's Thursday after work?"

Move to the plan after four or five good exchanges, not after a month. If she is giving you positive reply after positive reply and you keep it chatty, you are teaching her that this is a chat and not a date.

Once she has agreed to meet, swap numbers or at least confirm the day by text so the plan does not disappear with a disappearing message. A short phone call before the date helps even more. a dating coach has found that women who have talked with him on the phone first flake much less and show up happier to see him.

• Adding her over and over after she has not accepted.
• Sending a long paragraph about yourself as your first message.
• Commenting only on her looks.
• Replying to every story she posts.
• Asking for photos, or anything sexual, before you have met. That is a fast route to a block.

If she does not reply, do not keep adding or messaging. Silence is an answer.

Many people on Snapchat are young. Only talk to a woman you know is an adult, and if you are not sure how old she is, leave it. Everything above is for adults who have said hello back and want to talk.

Snapchat is a tool for staying in touch with someone you have already found an excuse to know. The strongest move you have is to meet people in person, ask for her username after a real conversation, and use the app to set up the second one. Do that and the app stops being the hard part.