How to Read Whether a Woman at a Bar Wants to Talk to You

Watch three things: where she looks, what her face does, and how she uses her body. A woman who wants to talk will look at you more than once, smile or look curious, and turn toward you. After you start, she keeps the talk going by asking you something back. One sign alone proves little. Several together tell you plenty.

Before you read her body, read her setting. a dating coach says this is the first thing to sort out at night. Who is she with? How close are they? Is she in a hurry to get somewhere?

A woman locked in a deep talk with her friend, or one who never leaves her group's side, is usually not open to a stranger. That does not make her rude. It means the moment is wrong. A woman standing alone with a drink, waiting for a friend or looking around, is far more available. Group size matters too. Three or four friends usually leave room for you to talk to one of them while the others chat.

• She looks up and keeps looking. A glance that lingers for a second or two, then a smile, is the clearest early sign.
• Her face is relaxed. Raised eyebrows, a small smile, an open look. A flat or tense face is a signal to wait.
• She is facing the room, not her phone. A woman buried in her phone is busy. One scanning the room is available.
• Her group looks outward. If her friends are also looking around, the group is more open to a new person.

None of this is a promise. It tells you whether to try.

Once you say hello, the reading gets easier, because now she is responding to you.

Good signs:

1. She turns her shoulders and feet toward you.
2. She answers with more than one word.
3. She asks you a question back.
4. She laughs, teases you or adds her own comment.
5. She stays when there is a natural point to leave.

Warning signs:

1. She answers short and looks past you.
2. She keeps checking her phone or her friends.
3. She stays turned away, with her arms crossed or her drink held up like a wall.
4. She never asks you anything.

One cold response in a loud room is not a verdict. She may not have heard you. Say it once more, calmly. If she still gives nothing, thank her and go.

Men tend to make one of two errors. Some see interest in everything, including plain politeness. Others see none, because they are too nervous to look at her face. Both come from standing in your head instead of noticing what she is actually doing.

A woman can be friendly and still not want to go further. Friendly is a smile and a short answer. Interested is a longer answer, a question back and a body that stays pointed at you. Treat friendly as a reason to continue talking, not as proof.

The most reliable way to read her is to test lightly. Open, ask one real question, and see if she gives you something back. If she does, ask another. If she gives you a little, stay a little longer. If she gives you nothing for two exchanges, you have your answer and nothing has been lost.

Keep a relaxed face while you test. A man who looks desperate for a yes makes every signal harder to read, for her and for him.

Reading women is a skill you only build by doing it, and it is much faster with a coach who stands next to you and says, "she was open, you walked past." At a Cold Approach Bootcamp, the curriculum includes recognizing mutual interest and comfort, taught live in the bars and lounges. Training days are two four-hour blocks in Miami or New York. Group has three students per coach at most. Private is one-on-one for one, two or three days.