How to Read a Woman's Body Language When You Approach

Read the whole picture, not one gesture. When you approach a woman in person, in the field, watch whether she stays, whether she adds to the conversation, whether her body turns toward you and whether she is comfortable when you get closer. Two or three of those together mean more than any single crossed arm or glance away. And since you can only read her well when you are relaxed yourself, the biggest improvement usually comes from calming your own body first.

• One gesture on its own proves very little. A group of signals tells you something.
• Signs she is open: she stays, keeps the conversation going, faces you and does not flinch when you move closer or touch her lightly.
• Signs she is closed: short answers, her body angled toward an exit, eyes elsewhere and no questions back.
• Your own body language is part of what she reads, and trying to control it directly tends to backfire.
• Reading women is a live skill. It improves fastest with feedback in the field, which is what a Bootcamp coach provides.

Some signals show up before you say a word. A woman who is standing still and looking around is easier to talk to than one walking fast with her eyes down. A woman who catches your eye and smiles has given you a small invitation.

a dating coach points to proximity as one of the first signs of interest. If a woman keeps hovering near you without a reason, she may like you and be hoping you will speak. His advice is simple: talk to her. He adds that a lack of hovering is never a reason to skip an approach, since you should go and talk to women you like in any case.

A woman who starts a conversation with you about almost anything, such as asking what drink is good or how late the place is open, has chosen to talk to you out of everyone around. a dating coach says a man should treat that as an invitation and go beyond the obvious answer.

Once you are talking, watch what she does with the conversation.

Does she add to it? a dating coach describes it this way: if she adds to the conversation more than she needs to, she is investing effort. When there is a small silence, she fills it with a question or a comment instead of letting it end. That is a good sign.

Does she turn toward you? Her shoulders, feet and face pointing your way is a signal that she is engaged. Her body angled toward the door, a friend or her phone suggests her attention is elsewhere.

Does she stay comfortable as you move closer? If she stays put when you step a little nearer, she is relaxed. If she steps back or leans away, give her room.

How does she respond to light touch? a dating coach notes that a woman will often not touch you first unless you have started some casual contact, so her being comfortable with your touch counts too, not only touch she starts. Keep it light and brief, such as a touch on the shoulder, and read her reaction.

Does she ask about you? Questions back are a good sign. One-word answers with nothing returned are a poor one.

Watch for a cluster, not one item:

• Short, closed answers.
• Eyes drifting to the exit, a friend or her phone, again and again.
• Her body turning away or her bag moving between you.
• A comment that she is busy or meeting someone.

If you see several together, thank her, say something friendly and leave. Pushing on past clear signs is how a man becomes the one she tells her friends about.

Many men try to improve their body language by listing do's and don'ts. a dating coach says that approach backfires. He and his colleagues once taught students every gesture to use and avoid. The students did more of the bad ones, and the good ones looked fake, because thinking about your body makes you more self-conscious.

His conclusion is that body language comes from inside. If you genuinely believe the woman is better off for talking to you, your posture, eye contact and gestures tend to fall into line. And a single awkward gesture does not ruin an approach, because she is adding up everything about you, not judging one moment.

For you, that means two things. Do not stage a posture. Instead, relax, breathe and pay attention to her. How to build attraction with confident body language goes further on the confidence side.

You can read a hundred articles about signals and still miss them in the moment, because the moment is fast and your nerves are loud. A Bootcamp puts you in the field with a coach for two four-hour blocks a day. He stands near you, sees how she responds and tells you afterward what you missed.

That might be a woman who was leaning in while you were about to end the talk, or one who was clearly done while you kept going. Attraction and delivery is one of the four parts every training day covers, along with approaching and conversation, numbers and dates, and rejection and follow-through. a dating coach says: "Sometimes major mistakes you're making in the field can be corrected with literally one comment."

Group has no more than three students per coach. Private is fully one-on-one for one, two or three days. Both run in Miami and New York, and both welcome beginners. Group or Private compares them.

What if I cannot tell if she is interested?

Keep it light and keep going while she stays engaged. If she stays, adds to the conversation and is comfortable, move toward a number. If you are unsure, her answers will show you soon.

Is crossed arms a bad sign?

Not by itself. She may be cold, holding a bag or just standing that way. Look at the other signals.

Can I learn this without a coach?

You can learn the basics from reading, and you will get better with practice. A coach speeds it up by showing you what you missed.