How to Meet Women in Public

Go to places where women are relaxed and not in a hurry, talk to them about the place you are both standing in, and swap contact before you part. Parks, outdoor shopping areas, cafes and plazas beat crowded sidewalks, because the women there have time to talk. Pick places that suit you and that you can return to, because the second visit is easier than the first. The same habits make it easier to message the matches you collect from swiping, because an algorithm can hand you faces but only you can say the first word.

Where you stand matters as much as what you say. A woman rushing to a train has no room for a conversation. A woman sitting on a bench with a coffee does.

a dating coach's favorite places for meeting women in the daytime are parks, outdoor malls and the beach. His reason is that people in those places are not on business. They are relaxed, they have time, and the setting is calm enough that nobody bumps into you in the middle of a sentence. Quiet plazas, cafes and bookstores work the same way.

If you do not know where to go in your own city, search for the parks, the nicer outdoor shopping areas, and any open square with restaurants around it. Walk through each one on a weekend. You will see within an hour which ones have people lingering.

a dating coach gives a few questions for choosing a place. Are the women there the kind you actually like? Does the place suit the way you talk? Do you fit in?

That last one catches people. A man in his fifties on a college campus has to explain why he is there. A man in his early twenties at the same place does not. Choose somewhere where your presence makes sense without an explanation. A quiet man who is good at conversation does better in a cafe than in a loud club where he cannot be heard.

Also consider distance. The closer a place is to where you live, the easier it is to follow up with a woman you meet there, and the easier it is to keep coming back.

One trip does very little. A place you visit every week turns into a place where faces repeat, and a face you have seen three times is far easier to talk to than a stranger.

Pick two or three spots and make them part of your week. A Saturday morning coffee, a lunch walk, a weekly class. After a month you will know who is there and what the place feels like, and starting a conversation will feel like a normal part of being there.

Use what is around you. You do not need a clever line.

• "Is the cold brew here any good, or is it just the name?"
• "That looks like a good book. Have you read the others?"
• "This place is packed today. Do you come here a lot?"

Ask one real question and listen to the answer. If she gives you a full answer and asks something back, keep going. If her answers are short and her eyes keep drifting, thank her and let her get back to her day. No woman is owed a long conversation, and you lose nothing by leaving it there.

If the conversation goes well, ask for her number or her Instagram. a dating coach stresses two things here.

First, make sure she knows who you are. A text from a string of digits gets ignored. The best way to fix this is to put your name and number in her phone and send yourself a message from it. Now your name is saved, and the message history shows that she texted you first, which she will remember kindly the next day.

Second, do not leave the second you have it. Stay about five minutes. A man who takes a number and runs looks like he has an agenda. A man who stays and talks like they have already agreed to meet again gives her a sample of what a date with him will feel like. The five minutes after the number often matter more than the fifteen before it.

Keep the first text short and specific. Mention where you met or what you talked about, and suggest a plan. "It was fun talking about the book. Want to get a coffee Thursday?" does the job. Keep it to one or two ideas, because a long message looks like effort she has to match.

• Do not approach a woman who has headphones in and is clearly rushing.
• Do not block her path or stand too close. Give her room to leave.
• Do not keep talking after she has made clear she is done.
• Do not blame the places if the first week goes badly. Give each one a few visits before you decide.

Almost every man who is easy around women learned it by doing it. The first week is awkward and the fifth is not. Choose your places, go regularly, say hello, and the rest takes care of itself over time.