What to Talk About With a Woman on the Phone

On a phone call with a girl, talk about her day, something specific she told you in your texts, a short story of your own and a playful tease. Keep it light, and finish by making a plan to meet. Whether it is a first phone call, a call at night or a video call, you are making her feel comfortable enough to meet you, rather than trying to fill an hour.

a dating coach recommends a phone or video call before a first date. His reasons are practical. Plans made only by text with a person you have never met are more likely to fall through, while a call or video chat makes her far more likely to show up. In his experience women who have heard his voice arrive more excited and are more open to closeness on the date.

He also uses the call to check chemistry, so that the first meeting is not with a stranger. He describes suggesting a quick call "so we're not strangers."

A call is a short step that makes the date easier, rather than a place to win her over.

Open with something that shows you remember her. "How was the dentist?" beats "How are you?" Because you pay attention, she feels noticed, and she has something real to talk about.

Good starters:

• Something she mentioned in text, like a trip, a project or a funny story.
• A small question about her day that is not generic.
• Something you noticed in her photos or messages.

Avoid heavy topics early. Exes, family troubles and complaints about work drag the call down.

My formula for conversation is simple. When you ask a question and she answers, do not follow with another question. Add something: a tease, a short story, an opinion or a reaction. He warns men never to stack three boring questions in a row, because it feels like an interview.

Example:

You: "What did you end up doing this weekend?" Her: "Hiking, and I got a little lost." You: "Of course you did. I would have brought snacks and a map. Where were you headed?"

You responded with a tease and then asked something that continues the story. It flows, and it shows personality.

Have two or three small stories ready, each under a minute: a funny thing that happened at work, a trip that went wrong, a mistake you made. They give her something to react to and show you can carry a conversation.

Keep them light and end them. A story that rambles for five minutes turns the call into a lecture.

A call late in the evening feels more relaxed, which can help. But it also tempts men into long, intense talks that feel like a relationship before you have met.

Keep a night call warm and a little playful. Ask about her day, share something about yours and let conversation drift toward weekend plans. Avoid starting emotional heavy lifting, and avoid anything sexual. You want her to look forward to meeting you, not to feel pushed.

A pause is not a failure. If the call goes quiet for a second, take a breath, smile and ask something simple or tell a short story. Silence feels long to the nervous man and normal to everyone else.

If you are nervous, slow down. Speaking a little slower and lower sounds calmer and more confident.

A first call does not need to be long. Fifteen to twenty minutes is plenty, and it is better to stop while you are both enjoying it. A call that ends on a high makes her want to meet.

Before you hang up, make the plan. "I am free Thursday after work. There is a quiet bar near me, want to meet there?" Name the day and the place, and then say you are looking forward to it. If she says she is busy this week, suggest the next.

If she gives one-word answers, sounds distracted or keeps checking the time, take the hint. You may have called at a bad time, or she may not be interested. Wrap up politely: "I will let you go. Talk soon." Do not try to rescue it with more talking.

Not every call will be great, and that is normal. You are still learning whether the chemistry is real, which is the reason for calling.

Be specific, be warm, tease a little, tell a short story and end with a plan. If she laughs, asks you questions and keeps the conversation going, you are doing well. Everything else is practice.