How to Meet Gamer Women

Go where women who play actually are, talk to them about the game like you would talk to any other player, and ask them out in the real world after a good conversation. The mistake that ruins most attempts is treating her as a rarity. She is a person who likes games and who has heard every line, so the man who stands out is the one who is easy to play with.

You will have better luck in places than in searches. A few that work:

• Local tournaments and game nights. Fighting game, card game and board game events all draw women who play. Show up, sign up and play.
• Board game cafes and game stores. Regulars know each other, and an open table is an invitation. "Mind if we join your table? We just need a fourth" is a normal thing to say there.
• Conventions and community meetups. Fan events fill a building with people who like the same things, and lines and panels give you a reason to talk.
• Streaming and esports watch parties. If you like the same teams, you have a free topic.
• Co-op and team games online. Voice chat and clans put you in the same match as people who like the same thing. This is the one place the internet works, but see below.

If you are searching for a particular game, such as Fortnite or something on Xbox, the rule is the same. Play with people, be good company in the match, and let friendships form before anything else.

A woman on voice chat in a game has often been talked over, tested and hit on, sometimes within minutes. What she notices first is the player who simply plays well with her.

• Callouts, help and a "nice one" count for more than any compliment.
• Do not quiz her about whether she is a "real" gamer. It is gatekeeping, and it is irritating.
• Do not bring up her gender, voice or looks.
• Do not ask for photos, or ask her age and where she lives, before you are friends.

The best signal you can send is that you are the same easy company for everyone in the lobby.

A man who worries that his nerdy interests will put women off is asking the wrong thing. It is not about whether your interests are cool. It is whether you believe they are. If you apologize for what you love, she will treat it as something to apologize for. If you talk about it with real enthusiasm, you pull her into your reality.

So do not say "I know it's dumb, but I'm kind of into this." Say what you love about it. A man who can explain why he loves a game, and who is curious about what she plays, is more attractive than one who plays down his hobby.

Between rounds, in a queue or around a table, you have a built-in topic.

• "What are you running? I've never seen that build."
• "Okay, who taught you to play like that?"
• "What's the game you can't stop replaying?"

Then listen, and ask the next question out of what she says. a dating coach's advice for any opener is the same: say it, then leave room for an answer. Don't deliver a lecture on your favorite title.

If you got along, suggest something that is also fun and also not a game: coffee near the venue, a different cafe, the next event. Say it like a plan, not like a question you are afraid of: "A few of us are grabbing food after this. Come along?"

When you have her contact, keep it short. a dating coach's rule for texting is one or two ideas at most, and the aim of the texts is to get you to a call or a date. Use what you talked about to keep it light, then ask her to something specific: "That tournament is back next month. Want to go together?"

An online friend can become a date, but go slowly and be careful.

• Only pursue someone you know is an adult.
• Spend a few weeks as a good teammate before you suggest meeting.
• Move to a call before a meetup. a dating coach finds a phone call before a date lowers the chance she flakes, and women usually arrive more excited.
• Meet somewhere public, in daytime, and let her pick the place.

If she is not interested in meeting, keep being a good teammate or let it go. Pushing on someone you play with is the quickest way to lose her and your reputation in the group.

Do not mention that she is a "gamer girl" as if it were a feature. Do not turn every chat into flirting. Do not sulk if she declines, and do not change how you act in the lobby after a no. She stays a teammate, and you stay decent.

The short version: be where she plays, be good company, be proud of what you like, and invite her out of the game when the conversation has earned it.