How to Meet Women in New York if You Are New to the City

Start with two decisions: where you live, and how you plan to meet people. Live somewhere central, then use more than one route. Approach women by day in parks and cafes, go out at night to rooms where you can talk, and add a class or a group so you meet women through activities too. Being new works in your favor, because so many people in New York are new too.

You do not need to know the city. You need a plan and a few weekly habits.

• a dating coach says New York is his number one city for learning game, with an unlimited supply of strangers to talk to.
• Many New Yorkers moved here recently, so they are more social when they go out than people in cities where everyone grew up.
• Where you live matters for dates and for taking a woman home, so choose with that in mind.
• Daygame, nightgame, online and social routes all work here. Use more than one.
• Approaching in person is the skill that makes every other route better.

a dating coach gives this advice first. Girls will come to Manhattan, especially Lower Manhattan, far more readily than they will travel out to the outer boroughs. If you live in Queens, Long Island or the Bronx, you often have to go to her, which gives you less control over the evening.

His ideal is Manhattan below about 60th Street, down to the Financial District, with Williamsburg in Brooklyn as an acceptable second. He says he would pay a premium for the location and would take a small, cramped place in a good area over a nicer place in a bad one. Being near good bars helps, and so does a park nearby. A rooftop is a big plus, since he calls it a status symbol in New York. If you have roommates, pick people who are fine with you bringing a woman home.

You may not be able to choose freely. Do what you can, and if your place is far out, plan to meet women near the center and invite them to a bar rather than home.

My number one place for daygame in New York is the parks. He names Central Park, Washington Square Park, Bryant Park, Madison Square Park and Union Square Park, and says the best one changes over time. People there are relaxed and not going anywhere, and women often sit alone.

His other point is that the best place to meet women is everywhere. A woman at a coffee shop, a woman on the street, a woman waiting in line. Because the city is so large, a conversation that goes badly is forgotten. A conversation that goes well may become a coffee date. coach notes that an instant date is easy in New York, since a coffee shop, a bar and a restaurant are almost always within a couple of blocks.

Being new is useful here. "I just moved here. Where should I get coffee?" is a true and friendly opener that most people answer happily.

a dating coach says New York is one of the best nightgame cities in the world, and the best for taking a woman home the same night. The reason is how people get around. Women often arrive separately and leave separately by subway, taxi or car service. Going home with a man is easier than in cities where everyone drives together.

He describes three tiers of nightlife: plain general-admission bars, semi-exclusive rooms and very high-end clubs. He enjoys dive bars, especially midweek, when a woman out on a quiet night has no plan and may be glad to talk. His favorite category is the upper mid tier, where there is mingling and a decent crowd. Rooftops in warm weather are his favorite single kind of room, because the open air keeps the music lower. He also says to stay out late, since the city stays open until 4 AM and more women are alone and relaxed as the night goes on.

You do not need to find the perfect venue. coach says venues turn over fast, so he does not name them. Visit a few, see who is there, and keep the ones where you can talk.

My list of routes also includes meeting women through friends and activities. He suggests joining a yoga or Pilates class or, better, a social dance class such as salsa. Because New York has a club for almost every interest, whatever you enjoy probably has women in it.

This is not as direct as approaching, and you will meet fewer women this way. It still builds a social life, which is the point of living in a big city. Women you meet through a friend or a class already have some comfort with you.

1. Pick two daygame outings a week. A park and a cafe area. Aim to say hello to a few women each time.
2. Pick one night out a week. Go early, stay late and keep your goal small.
3. Go to one class or group a week. Salsa, climbing, running, anything you will stick with.
4. Keep a short list of what worked. Which park, which bar, which opener.

If you only do the first two, you already have a better start than most men who move here.

The plan is simple. Walking up to a stranger on the third night in a row is the hard part. A Cold Approach Bootcamp trains it in New York or Miami, in the field, with a coach who gives live feedback on each approach and after every set. Each day is two four-hour blocks, with daygame and nightgame mixed to suit you.

Group runs three days at a 3:1 student-to-coach ratio, and Private is one, two or three days with the coach working only with you. You leave with a written practice plan and access to the community Slack. You do not need any approach experience.

Should I do apps first?

Apps can be a bonus, but a dating coach says they are not a plan on their own. He treats online dating as a bonus round beside daygame and nightgame.

Is it better to meet women near home or across the city?

Near home is easier to repeat, and a place close to your door makes a bar-to-home evening simple. coach recommends having a good bar and a park near where you live.

How long until it feels normal?

That varies from man to man. Nerves usually shrink with repeated small approaches, which is why a coach sets the next small step for you.