How to Keep Nightgame Safe and Respectful

Accept a no the first time, stay sober enough to read her clearly, treat her friends like people, and make sure she gets home safely, whether with you or not. Night game works best when she feels at ease around you. A man who is safe and respectful gets better results, and he gets to keep doing it.

If a woman says she is not interested, that she has a boyfriend, or that she wants to talk to her friends, you say "no problem, have a good night" and leave. You do not ask why, repeat the question, make a joke about it or hover nearby. This is the single most important rule.

It also makes you better at the game. A man who takes a no calmly looks secure, and women and bystanders notice.

She has to be able to make a clear choice. If a woman is very drunk, stumbling or confused, do not push her toward a number, a second venue or your home. Make sure her friends are near and get her a glass of water or a ride. Pause the night for her, even if it ends your night.

Also, stay clear-headed yourself. a dating coach's basic pre-night check includes that you are presentable and not drunk. Too many drinks make you sloppy, loud and worse at reading signals. Two or three drinks over a long night is a better level than a heavy start.

Her friends are looking out for her, and that is a good thing. Say hello early, be friendly and give them a chance to decide you are fine. A man who treats the friends well is easier to trust, and he gets less trouble.

If a friend says she wants to leave with her, let it happen. Do not argue with the group or try to split them up.

Do not follow a woman who walks away. Do not stand in her path, grab her arm or take her phone. Keep a normal distance. If she wants to leave a conversation, make sure she can.

Be especially careful in tight corners, near exits or in a quiet part of the venue where she may feel trapped. Stand so she has an open way out.

Suggesting a quieter spot is fine, but the choice is hers. Ask, do not pull. Pick a public place, and let her friends know where she is going. If she hesitates, do not push, and do not make the plan sound like a trick.

My view is that the reason to leave should be that the two of you are having a good time. If she is not feeling it, the night is over for the two of you, and that is fine.

• Keep an eye on your drink and your phone.
• Have a way home that does not depend on a woman you just met.
• Avoid fights. If another man picks one, walk away. A bouncer or a manager is a better answer than an argument.
• Tell a friend where you are, or use a wingman who looks out for you.
• Go out near where you live, so the trip home is short and simple.

Ask for a number once. If she gives it, text once or twice with something specific, and if she does not reply, let it go. Do not send long strings of texts or turn up at her work. Two clear attempts are plenty.

None of this slows you down. Women are far more relaxed around a man who obviously respects limits, and a relaxed woman says yes more often and enjoys the conversation more. Respect also keeps you out of trouble and makes the night enjoyable for everyone.

Good habits are easier to build with someone watching. At a Cold Approach Bootcamp, your coach is with you in the field, gives live feedback on every approach and covers how to handle rejection and follow-through. Training days are two four-hour blocks in Miami or New York, in Group (three students per coach at most) or Private.