How to Do Nightgame as an Introvert

You do night game as an introvert by changing the setup, not by turning into a loud guy. Pick quieter bars and lounges, keep any group conversation short, and move the woman you like into a one-on-one talk as fast as you can. That is also what works for extroverts, so you lose nothing by playing it this way.

a dating coach, who calls himself an extreme introvert, says the word describes a preference. Crowds and groups cost an introvert energy. One person in a quiet setting gives energy back. It does not say you cannot talk to women, start a conversation or be charming.

The trap is using the label as an excuse: "I do not want to go to the bar, I am an introvert." coach calls that a lack of effort dressed up as a personality. The better question is how to spend your energy where it counts.

A loud club puts every woman inside a group, inside noise, with a drink in her hand. That is the hardest room for you and a poor room for a real conversation.

Look for quieter places instead:

• Upscale lounges where you can hear the person next to you.
• Hotel bars and rooftops, which coach names as his own favorites.
• Outdoor patios and the quiet corner of a busy bar.

In a room like that, one-on-one is normal. Two people talking at a small table looks like exactly what the room is for.

Most women at night are in groups, so you will often have to open a group. The instinct for an introvert is to conserve energy and open low and quiet. That is the mistake. A flat, mumbled opener makes her do the work, and she usually will not.

Open a little brighter than feels natural. Look at her, smile, speak clearly, and say something short and plain. You are not performing for the whole night. You are paying a small fee once, at the start.

coach uses a trick from jiu-jitsu. When you are stuck under a heavy opponent and want to quit, you tell yourself you can quit in thirty seconds if it is still this bad. Usually it has changed by then.

Use the same deal with a group. You engage everyone for a short time, anywhere from half a minute to a few minutes. Say hello to her friends, ask the group a simple question, and make it clear you are friendly. Then turn toward the woman you like, or invite her to get a drink or sit down.

Being warm to her friends early also keeps them on your side. If you ignore them, they come over later and pull her away.

An extrovert may enjoy twenty short chats. You do not have to. Aim for a handful of conversations where you can hear each other, and let each one run until it either goes somewhere or ends politely.

Some habits that help:

1. Take a break outside or by the bar for a few minutes between sets. Rest is part of the plan, not a failure.
2. Keep a default opener ready so you never stand there searching for words. Something like "I thought you looked fun, so I came over to say hi" is enough.
3. Ask questions about her and listen. Listening is a strength of most introverts, and women notice it.
4. Decide a leave time before you go out, and stick to it unless the night is going well.

Daytime is quieter. Cafes, parks and streets are full of women on their own, and the setting is calm. coach points introverts toward daygame for exactly that reason. A man who does both has more places to practice and a lower cost per conversation.

At a Cold Approach Bootcamp, the mix of daygame and night game is arranged around the student. If bars wear you out, your coach can weight more of your training toward daytime first and bring the night sessions in gradually.

You do not need to charm a room. You need to walk over, say hello, and have one decent conversation. If you do that three times in a night, you did your job.

The way to get better at this is repetition with someone beside you who tells you what worked. In the Bootcamp, each training day is two four-hour blocks in the field in Miami or New York, with live coaching on every approach. Group has three students per coach at most, and Private is just you and the coach. Nobody needs experience, and shy men are who the coaching is built around.