How to Do Nightgame When You Do Not Drink

Order something you can hold, like a soda with lime or a seltzer. Answer any questions about it in one line. Then open conversations back to back, so you get into a relaxed rhythm without alcohol. Nobody in a bar is checking what is in your glass. What women notice is whether you are at ease, and a sober man who is at ease has an edge over a man who is slurring.

Part of why men drink at a bar is that a glass gives your hands something to do. You can have that without alcohol.

Order a soda with lime, a club soda, a non-alcoholic beer or a mocktail, in a proper glass. A clear drink with a lime looks like a gin and tonic from across the room. Keep it in one hand and keep the other free.

If you stand with an empty hand and nothing to hold, you look like you are waiting, and a man who is waiting looks nervous.

Someone will ask why you are not drinking, or offer you a drink. Have one short, calm answer ready and change the subject.

• "I am good with this. What are you having?"
• "Not tonight. I am driving."
• "I do not drink much. Is that any good?"

Do not explain, apologize or lecture. A speech about your reasons turns a small fact into the topic of the night. A shrug keeps it small, and so does an immediate question about her.

The thing a drink gives you is the feeling that you can say anything. You can get that feeling sober by approaching many people in a row with very little time between conversations.

a dating program's Ciaran, who has run his daygame, nightgame and dates sober for years, calls this a flow state. He says that after fifteen or twenty approaches many men get out of their heads. They stop worrying about approaching because they are busy approaching. Once you have felt it sober and seen how women react, you want it every time.

To start:

1. Arrive early, while the room is still filling and everyone is sober.
2. Talk to the bartender and the people near you before you aim at a woman you like.
3. Open a set, have a short chat, and move on. Do not stand still between conversations.
4. Count conversations, not results, for the first hour.

It can be rough at first. The first few approaches feel stiff. Keep going.

This is the part sober men underrate.

• You read women better. You notice who is leaning in, who is looking for her friends, and who is being polite.
• You remember what worked. After the night you can tell which opener got a laugh and which fell flat.
• You know when to leave. You are not carried along by a round.
• You can tell if she has had too much. If she is slurring or unsteady, you step back and talk to her friend or leave it.

A drinking man gets less of all four.

Pick a room where you can talk and move. A loud club where everyone is drunk is harder to enjoy sober. A bar, a lounge or a patio where conversation is the point is easier.

A calmer room also lets your clear head show.

A sober man can go out earlier and leave earlier, and that is an advantage. Start while the room is fresh. Use the first hour to warm up and the busiest stretch for short, light sets. Leave when you are tired, not when you are the only sober person left in a loud room.

You may be out with friends who drink and push rounds on you. Order your own drink first, say "I am good with this," and make your own plan for when you will leave. You do not have to match them.

If the night keeps turning into a drinking session, consider going out separately on the nights you want to practice.

• A woman offers to buy you a drink. Accept something non-alcoholic, or say "I have got one, thank you, but you can tell me about your night."
• Someone calls you boring. Smile and move on. You are not there to win an argument about drinking.
• You feel too tense without a drink. Do a lap, say hello to a stranger and breathe. The tension is part of the skill you are building.

You do not need to announce that you do not drink, and you do not need to treat it as a handicap. It is one fact about you, and mostly it is invisible.

A Cold Approach Bootcamp is built for learning in the field, with live coaching on every approach and feedback after every set, so a clear head is the normal way to do it. Each training day is two four-hour blocks, with nightgame and daygame mixed to suit the student. It runs in Miami and New York.

You can choose Group, with no more than three students per coach, or Private, fully 1-on-1 for one, two or three days.